A new beginning, a new hope

A day at USS 12

2012-02-25T13:43:00.006+08:00

Sorry to say that this post is overdue. Delayed, or rather to be honest, I am too lazy to blog nowadays. XD

Anyway, here goes. 4 of us (from Calypso, my first OG) and another 2 person went to Universal Studio Singapore on 12th February, 2 days before Valentine. :)

Pictures are as below. (small resolution. Click on original for better resolution and size)

First station we visit: Transformer: The Ride. Well, this ride is certainly fun, and I sat on it twice (one time when going in, and another time when I am going out). Well, this ride is certainly a must-go (especially for those people who are afraid of cyclone and human - me. Trust me. Cyclone is real scary for people like me. XD) The effects are real great! :D

Well, this is the second ride.. Urgh. That 2 ride is the only 2 rides which I dare not take in my life. But still, since it lasted for like 2-3 min, still can take it. :D Amazing, aren't it? The first 2 rides we went already shoot our adrenaline to the max.

Next was the Mummy. The first time we sat on it was nothing. The second time (waiting time 5 min), the ride was just 'extreme' and totally different from the first one. Well, I bet they changed the settings a bit during our second time. It was pitch black during our 'fall', whereas in our first time, there is still a bit of light available. Next, the speed also increased a lot in the second time. Was kind of stunned that time, but it was a nice surprise. XD

Lunch time (pizza). Real big pizza. :)

Random group pictures taken at various locations and various poses we did in USS. There is more in Josephine's album and I just selected part of it for blogging purposes. :)

Next, comes the 'story line' specially created since it's Valentine Day 2 days later, and while we (3 girls, 3 guys) are still single.

Caption (from Josephine)

Broke back mountain

Nicholas (right): As for our marriage, we can do it over the phone.
Jason(left): Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it... :P

And this...

Caption: he loves them, they love him not. XD

I am thinking whether I should post this or not, since it's a rather 'interesting' story line, but I kind of 'failed' to act out properly cause was laughing that time. Lol. Credit to the gang's idea. Doubt I would be creative enough to think about this. :)

Last on the list. Dinner at Sushi Tay. :) Real nice place to chill out and listen to Jason 'talking' about relationships etc etc.

Well, what I can say is they are all nice people to hang out with (Alison (GL for Calypso) - graduated from NTU, Josephine - graduating this year, Jason- graduating this year, Cheryl aka Jia Yi - graduating this year, which left me and Nicholas who will be graduating next year. Sad).

I guess life is still a bit enjoyable if you make the choice to enjoy it (rather than lamenting about life's circumstances)

P.S: On a side note, I really feel internship is a lot better compared to normal study life. Perhaps I haven't been really exposed to the 'real' working world where they are deadlines, and pressure etc, but still so far, it's quite good, with me taking my time to 'code' and figuring out how to solve a certain problem. Guess I would just 'enjoy' my intern before the real 'suffering' comes in year 4, my final year. :D

Working life (part 1)

2012-01-28T20:52:00.004+08:00

Well, it's been ages since I last blog. Perhaps already close to 1 month. And I guess my blog could be considered a 'dead' one.

For one thing, working is a new experience. In my case, I am actually given some small assignments by my supervisor to prepare me for the soon-to-be project which would incorporate both octave (aka matlab) and C programming. The only thing bad is those assignments are not that easy since my background in coding is not that advanced. Well, what can you expect when the matlab assignments given in school are so easy? Now, there are loops, and problems to be solved which could take hours. (reminded me of the first time I took up matlab when I can sit in front of the com, doing nothing but thinking).. Now kind of worrying that I might not be as efficient as what I thought earlier. Got to buck up!

Anyway, my colleagues are quite nice (fellow students like me in NTU). Recently, celebrated CNY together, with Deric bringing the 'Yee Sang' which is quite a large one, plus we order pizza. Well, once in a while celebration isn't bad. :D

"Yee Sang' or rather prosperity toss. Perhaps it's only practiced in Singapore as a tradition? Can't remember doing it except in Singapore.

Credit to Pei Jun for taking this. She got a really good camera!

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Well, a small celebration a few weeks after my actual birthday. Wasn't planning to celebrate it (even hide my birthday on fb), but thanks to a small group of friends who still remember my birthday. :)

Birthday wish

2012-01-08T01:24:00.004+08:00

I seldom make any wishes here, but then, here goes. Also part of my resolution.

1. Try to be a more selfless person, and willing to sacrifice things eg time for others. And of course, expecting nothing in return. (perhaps one of the toughest resolution/wish, but hope I can do it. It would be a breakthrough if I could actually do that)

2. I hate to say this, but I actually wish that I could end my single-hood life since I realize I am not getting young anymore. However, if point 1 is achieved, point 2, which is this point might be a reality.

3. Learn things which would be helpful to me in future in my internship which would be starting on Monday, which is very soon. From what I have gathered from seniors who have went there before, you could slack easily there cause there's nothing much for you to do. (there may be a bit of work, but that's it.)

4. Loving God whole-heartedly and loving people fervently.. --> CHC vision as well, which probably summarizes some points above..

Well, I guess that's it. Nothing much to write for now. Time to begin a new chapter of life- working. :)

Short update regarding life

2011-12-22T00:41:00.007+08:00

So many things have passed since I last stop blogging. Well, guess I do not have any motivation to blog at the moment except at occasional times when I need to rant. :) Anyway, quite a lot of happy stuffs happened since the past few weeks.

Happy stuffs include good results in NUS 3rd invitational tournament where I got champion. Link for news regarding that tournament : HERE. Next, I got 3rd placing in Perak Closed, behind the Fong brothers which results in me, having RM200 extra.

And next up would be news about Industrial Attachment where I would be attached to Institute High Performance Computing (IHPC). Link for my company could be found HERE. Project is titled, "Molecular dynamics study of Nanocluster evolution: An insight into the atomistic ballet at small length and time scales." Sounds interesting though I do not know how to relate that with C programming.

Since I need to have a bit of background for C programming, my short holidays this few weeks is to learn that new language. I would say it's not difficult to understand, but since I did not practice but only read, I am not sure whether I actually know how to design a program when I am tasked in future. Hopefully I would be competent enough to be able to accomplish whatever my supervisor asked. However, I am glad that I got this choice considering I may not be interested to do research in future. Well, see where God leads.

And lastly, my results. Well, slightly improved in terms of CGPA (0.07), decreased slightly (0.03) in terms of GPA for this semester thanks to all my coursemates being so competitive. I thought I already did extremely well in my strong subjects like signals and controls but alas, failed to get an A for that. At least, one A+ for computational methods (expected) ---> So, I assume that would justify why I am in IHPC since I actually scored well in those kind of subjects. Lol.

Well, sad thing is, it's impossible to get second upper by the time I graduate. Regardless of what I do (unless I really screwed up badly by failing all modules in year 4 which would not happen), I would end up a second lower. It doesn't matter whether it's a high or low second lower cause in the end, the degree would still be second lower.

Seriously, why do I screw up my year 1? Just doesn't make sense that if you screw up one year, then your CGPA is already pre-determined. Well, at least I know now that your final results (by the time you graduate) would always be based on your first year. Yes, it may improve, but it can only improve to a certain extent, not enough to another level unless u get 5.0 for some semesters, which is totally ridiculous.

That's the short post for now. At least I wouldn't be so pressured now in my year 4, since even if I work extremely hard, I would only get a high second lower. However, I would still study as usual, just not the usual amount of hard work that I would put in since my degree is already fixed. Just wondered whether I could get a job with a second lower degree. *shrug*

Till then, I am signing off.

Random thoughts

2011-11-11T17:23:00.005+08:00

Would my life be all about that in future, just running the rat race? To define rat race, it's like someone spending a lot of effort running around, pursuing something, but in the end achieve nothing. I repeat.. NOTHING. Just something to be thought of cause I seriously feel I am moving in that direction.

If someone ask me why I am doing what I am doing (studying), the honest answer would be to get a secure job that have a decent salary. Honestly, I just do not have passion in studying, and I am only doing it or rather forcing myself to do it for the sake of getting a job. And when you are just not as smart as some people, you have to put in extra effort just to keep up with those smart ones in order for your GPA to be decent. This doesn't help knowing that you are an international student in a foreign country, where the consequences are disastrous if you don't do well enough.

Another thing or rather fact is grades matters A LOT especially in getting your first job, which includes passion, interest and relevant experience relating to the job which you are seeking, which the employer have to be able to see through during interview. Of course, after getting that first job, who would even bother asking about your GPA and stuffs like that? *longing for that time to happen*

Well, I still look back at my choice last time and wondered whether it's correct to choose to come here to further my studies. It's true that furthering my studies in Singapore helps to build up my endurance, especially in forcing yourself to like something which you have no interest in, but in the same way, it also make me 'kiasu', and slightly depressed when you know you are not really doing that well (negative traits).

P.S: Well, just finished my medical instrumentation notes. Some of it begins to make sense except Chen Peng's part (as usual). But whether I can answer the questions during exam is another thing. I don't intend to screw it up even though I don't like that module. Well, 2 Dec would be my last paper, where I won't have any more exams for the next 6 months. A relief indeed. Really looking forward to a life without lecture notes aka a clean desk.

2 killer modules

2011-11-07T03:38:00.003+08:00

For me, I think the killer modules would be Biomedical Instrumentation (after seeing the past-year, and Chen Peng's tutorial, I was like *$%#$%. ) That may explain why all my 'Electronics' module results sucks to the max, but fluids and thermo (where a lot of ppl said its difficult) results not too bad.

Another one would be imaging. The CT scan is really 'vague' or 'abstract' in terms of concepts although the image itself is interesting. Actually, it's only that part. The rest are still okay.

I feel I could handle all the other modules as I can 'see' the relation, unlike this 2 modules. Well, the question is.. Should I just sacrifice this 2 modules in terms of results and concentrate on the rest, making sure the rest is a sure A or should I just take risk and mug really hard for this 2 modules and risk making all the results average?

Decision, decisions. Sigh. :(

What does excellence means?

2011-10-27T13:42:00.004+08:00

Definition from a singaporean friend: Striving to get full marks in everything is excellence. Beating the entire cohort flat. That is excellence.

Personally, if I have that sort of mindset, might as well I just go suicide since I would be crazy at the end, sacrificing social life and sleep just to achieve that since I would consider myself a slow-learner and need to put in more effort than the rest just to achieve that level. :(

If you do not know, certain people are just born smart. They have a very high level of understanding, eg: play a lot,skip lectures but in the end, still get high marks in exam cause he/she mug last minute (one day before exam).

How does that serve justice especially when you were to compare to someone who mug constantly, but didn't do well in exam? Does doing well in exam (eg beating the entire cohort, getting full marks) really set a benchmark for everything? Or does working consistently (beating ur own record ie yourself, but not the best in your cohort) is more meaningful? Well, sadly, I would say the world or rather the Singaporean society look at your results first. Results is everything in a Singaporean society.

Well, that's probably the Singaporean mentality. Make me wonder why I come to a place that is so competitive. That's another reason why I don't like to join people especially when they are mugging. Cause I would just be too stressed looking at the way they mug, which could lead to me under-performing.

Anyway, should be on a short hiatus since exam is nearing. Well, see whether I can improve my current CGPA. Just hope that my effort pays out since I did sacrifice part of my leisure/sleeping time just to study.

Group project

2011-10-14T23:18:00.005+08:00

One lesson I learned especially during a group project. You got to have someone in the team who actually pushes the rest to do work. If not, nothing will be done. So, I guess I have to 'pressure' myself to be the one who do it.

If every member in your team chooses to procrastinate and only plan to do it in the remaining few days, would it be good? Would it be productive? Sometimes, maybe I just have to do everything by myself even though it's a group project since I actually can't stand things undone until the very last minute.

But still, another question came into my mind. Why should I pressure myself to do a 'group' thing, when the rest are enjoying themselves? You think I have lots of time on my part especially when I haven't revise the lectures which I have skipped due to event and also lectures which I don't understand in class?

Just fed up of un-replied emails and no communication among group members. I just wonder why the rest in my group actually don't feel the sense of urgency? Or is it only me that feels it? Or do I just need to go with the flow, and relax until someone actually feels the sense of urgency?

P.S: This is one reason why I hate group projects. If only there is someone who share the same burden with me in this group project for computational, life would be much better.

Work to be done

2011-10-09T01:45:00.004+08:00

Posted this on facebook and my blog to remind myself on what I need to do since the task is just too much!

Lab (complete)
Control homework(incomplete)
Forensic quiz (Wed) revision (incomplete)
Matlab for computational method (Tue)(incomplete),
Computational homework (Sun) plus need to do revision for the past few lectures which I skipped (incomplete),
BS preparation (Thursday) (incomplete),
Catching up with the 3 days lecture that I skipped due to event (incomplete).
Business finance (incomplete)
New essay group homework for Bioinstrumental (incomplete)

So, why is my workload that 'sial'? Is uni actually a place where all students should mug non-stop in their room and forego social life in order to achieve academic excellence?

Just feeling a bit stressed seeing the tasks which is incomplete above. And basically, I do not know which I should start first. Not to mention that my IA application is still unknown, especially for second phase application.

God, please provide me the strength to solve all those tasks one by one. Maybe it's in times like this where I actually learn how to trust You?

Busy week ahead

2011-10-03T00:12:00.002+08:00

My event week would fall this Wed to Friday.

Details is as below. (credit to sui chan for designing it)

Hopefully everything goes smoothly, and that no problem arises from vendors, which is actually one of my concern as well.

Other than that, just want to thank God for reminding me about the heart of worship yesterday, where it's been ages since I last felt that convicted in my heart. Well, a private moment definitely. :)

Results for interview ---> Not out (surprisingly) although one of my friend have already got the offer. Well, I believe that even if I get rejected, it may be God's will, and that He will open another door later, even though I might not know what door it is. Well, since I did actually struggle to finish off that Bioinstumental design homework due to lack of knowledge in playing around with Pro-E.

Still, the main concern would be the event itself. Have to sacrifice my Wednesday classes just for it. Well, at least I know the procedure to get the event approved is not that easy now. :)

Recess week

2011-09-23T19:06:00.003+08:00

For a year 3 BIE student, I would not consider that as recess week, but it's just a working week without any lectures, where I have to finish up the design..

As for the interview in Karl Storz today, they told me that will be taking in only 2 interns (max). So, crossing my fingers on that since results will be released in one week time.

Till then, I should be doing pro-e, lab, and various other stuffs.. In conclusion, recess week is not recess week!

Ranting

2011-09-14T13:30:00.002+08:00

Ques: If a bottle is injected with continuous pressure, what will it happen?

Ans: It will explode obviously.

Well, I think that's the situation with me now. Being bombarded by pressure from CCA activities (event) since I am basically accountable for everything and there are actually problems that arises from it as of now. Not to mention that I didn't put as much time in studies.

Wish that God would help me out before I actually break down when the pressure becomes too high. I am on the verge of exploding right now, but I have to pretend that nothing happens, and I am still 'okay' especially in front of friends and those under me. Life sucks especially when you have no one to turn to during this time of difficulty.

Gotta trust that the Lord will provide a way out.

SG poly tourney

2011-09-11T17:55:00.003+08:00

One word: Tough.

Personally, I am not that pleased when they cancel off the team event, and only have the individual event instead. Because of this, I have to meet up with all the strong players, especially from NTU - Alex and Kelvin.

For this tourney, I beat alex by luck (since he make a huge blunder in the end after leading in computer evaluations in the middle game), beat Aloysius Chia (1793) by a queen sacrifice with back rank mate as the theme, lost to Kelvin Wee (2047) fair and square, lost to another sg poly guy, who got first in the end (since he beat kelvin as well) due to fatigue and lack of concentration.

Overall result:

1. Sg Poly guy (5.5 pts. Forgot his name though)
2. Kelvin Wee (5.5)
3. Alex (5.5 - I screw up his standing by beating him on luck)
4. ME (5)

Well, not too bad a result since I hardly play online/analyzing chess nowadays due to school work. Basically, for SCF (Singapore Chess Federation) standard, I would consider my rating in between the 1800-2000 range for 15 minutes chess, since I actually beat all the 1700+ rating so far in SG. (for that time control)

So, in conclusion, guess I can only be a 'speed' player for now. Still, if only chess could be one of the career options, I certainly would be more dedicated in analyzing variations. However, the case is not now so far be it in Malaysia or Singapore.

P.S: SG rating list: http://www.singaporechess.org.sg/new/?p=11509 (for active + inactive players)

Reminder

2011-09-07T03:21:00.003+08:00

Don't ever, ever compare yourself with others because you are not them and they are not you. (make sense?) Others may be great, but you would still have something special which the other person do not have.

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Yes, been actually feeling kind of stressed especially when so many things is undone, and I just feel that I am not as good as my coursemates in pro-E. Or maybe I am just over-killing myself by playing around with that program until 3-4 am almost everyday until I am kind of deprived from sleep.

Anyway, task to finish this week.

1. Submit event proposal to SAO for event approval. Venue is already booked but haven't been approved yet. Would be very glad to see 'approved' sign soon, after everything is sent. I am actually quite thankful for a dedicated committee since they did submit their tasks by the set deadline. :)

2. Find a 'free' time slot to go to SAO and pay the tutorial room fees.

3. Learn double entry in accounting from Edmund. (well, it's necessary since I am actually the treasurer this year, and I will not shy away from my commitments)

4. Chess (team) in SG poly this weekend. Should be able to get gold provided if I am in the first team which comprises of Alex (2200+ rating I think), Liu Yang (top woman fide master in SG)... Let's hope that I still have form there.

5. Try attempting Liu Quan's tutorial, which have a very high difficulty level on maths. (And I thought inverse laplace transform was very easy in year 1... After looking at his type of question, I am actually thinking otherwise as I do not even know how to prove his part in lecture notes) This time, concept part is easy, but the technical part is tough.

Guess that's it for now. Life is hectic, but it's expected. Currently, I am looking forward to bible study (BS) in CG this thursday. Let's hope the discussion would be fruitful although my group may/may not come to a conclusion even after the BS.

Sourcing for IA

2011-09-04T00:05:00.005+08:00

Not a very easy task. But I guess I am done with it. Basically, I just select companies which I am probably interested in. Actually I can't be sure about my likes/dislikes even until now, but I am just hoping that I will get a company which would be beneficial for my future, where I can actually learn things from it.

So, yeah, this is the few which I have selected.

Karl Storz would be my first choice due to it's interesting field of work, plus they are the only company who came for the intern fair which I think I am actually interested in. So, yeah, hence the choice. Others are very interesting as well, which deals on MRI, imaging and other stuffs. Actually those were the stuffs which I think fascinated me most. (although I may not know how to handle those equipments so far obviously)

However, whether I am able to get into the choices which I have made is all in God's hands. I can only do my part in selecting and waiting for the interview dates to be announced. Although my CGPA may not be that pleasant to be spoken about, I can only hope that I would be able to find favor in the employers eyes during the interview, which would probably be on recess week.

Till then, back to my heavy workload in uni. :)

P.S: I may not do the design which I have specified in my blog post below. Basically, it do not have 3 parts to be assembled, and hence do not satisfy the homework requirements. Well, hope I could find one/create one soon.

Designing a bioinstrument

2011-08-28T02:03:00.003+08:00

Basically, this is the assignment given, which is designing a bioinstrument of your choice, where you have free will to design whatever you want and it is supposed to be completed by 21st September, which is soon. -.-

Okay, I would admit that proengineer is pretty interesting provided you actually have the TIME to play around with the program, and doing trial and error with all the functions, which includes the tutorial provided by some sites. So, TIME is the main concern here plus CREATIVITY.

I know I am kind of lacking in this area- CREATIVITY. Basically, if you give me the instrument with the already specified dimensions, I might be able to design that instrument, and to come out with a similar model. However, if you ask me to come out with something original (totally from your brain and not from any source), I would say I may not have that skill.

So, any ways on how I could overcome this weakness of mine? :/

Anyway, I actually figured out what to design after googling for some time, but sadly, the instrument is not original..

Basically, it's an oximeter. I would say it's quite an interesting equipment, and I actually manage to find the pamphlet, where I would then basically need to redo another pamphlet, but with different content. Hope it's sufficient enough for the homework.

Well life is hectic nowadays, with my Mensa event (24 Reloaded) coming up soon. Hopefully I would be more free after my event.

Choices

2011-08-15T21:16:00.004+08:00

While I was reading stuff on the first bible study facilitation tomorrow, it seems the first bible study would be centered around the midwives in Egypt who is willing to risk even their life when they defy Pharoah. Passage was taken from Exodus 1: 1-21.

So, yeah, here comes the tough part - the questions. If I were to take the midwives role in context, would I be able to do like what they did, which is to defy Pharoah and taking the risk of letting myself be killed? Interestingly, that situation could be related in the context of an NTU student.

Let's say your professor teaches you that the advancement in today's world is because society nowadays found out that the things which were taught in religion is superstitious, and practically, God does not exist. And after much research (while doing the paper on why there are so much advancement in today's world), you found out that those who agree with the professor's view on that area would most likely get an A, which will help you in maintaining your second upper degree. But if you oppose it, you would get a B or even worse, which will lead to second lower.

So, in that scenario, what would you do?

Interesting isn't it? To be honest, I might be the one who would be 'forced' to agree with the professor's view and include that into my paper, but on the other hand, I know it's just a wrong thing to do. (which reminds me to the passage which Jesus said in Matthew 10:33, "But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.")

This act may actually shows that I do not trust God especially when I actually know deep down in my mind that my future is secure in His hands, even if I were to graduate with a GPA that is not so good.

So, really need to ponder on this. Does GPA really matters to me? Or do I treasure God's values more?

CGLT 2011

2011-08-06T12:02:00.004+08:00

I have to say it's a very nice camp or rather training, especially when it's the first time I get to know other CGL's rather than being confined to my own CG only, which is on Thursday. It's just so interesting to see different opinions/ideas/sharings being shared during CGLT.

Basically, it's an eye-opener. 'Hard-core' facts about the bible from Stephen which leads me to questioned myself on whether I really know the bible or not -.- , and many other stuffs relating to the world today such as consumerism, meritocracy, creation care, post modern era and many more. Those stuffs are the things which I wouldn't have thought of until today. Maybe I would need to listen a second time before the understanding creeps in, especially on Stephen's plenaries. :)

Anyway, what I like most is the mock BS session, where I get to know what to actually expect when you are facilitating a bible study and on how to deal with conflicting opinions, awkward silence etc, and I have to say that I have lots to improve on that. Well, it's a journey of learning anyway. :D

Basically, there are 5 areas which need to be done in a CG which is

1. Building relationship/community
2. Nurturing
3. Adoring God
4. Worship + Prayer
5. Outreach

We, the CGL's actually brainstormed ideas on how to achieve that. But most certainly, the first CG meeting would be the most important as it actually would be the stimulant on whether the new freshie were to stay put/to stay on with the CG. Ernest and me have actually discussed on how the first CG would be, and hopefully it turns out fine. :)

I am sure that I would be able to share more after going through this semester. What's more, I am probably tackling 25 AU's this semester, so really need God's grace to help me to juggle time between everything.

Off to Festival of Praise next. So, ends my post for now. ^^

Jesus be the centre

2011-08-01T11:36:00.005+08:00

A new song introduced in city harvest, which was sang in the recent hillsong conference.

Jesus be the centre of my life
Jesus be the centre of my life
From beginning to the end, it will always be
It's always been You Jesus
Jesus

Nothing else matters
Nothing in this world will do
Jesus You're the centre
Everything revolves around You
Jesus You
(at the centre of it all, the centre of it all)

From my heart to the heavens
Jesus be the centre
It's all about You
Yes it's all about You

Jesus be the centre of Your church
Jesus be the centre of Your church
And every knee will bow
and every tongue shall confess You
Jesus Jesus

The quality of the video may be bad, but the message is clear. Let Jesus be the centre of it all, in your life, in the Church and everything.

Should I or should I not?

2011-07-26T15:33:00.002+08:00

Okay, maybe the title of the post is void since my previous CGL, Sammie is really someone who could convince you to take up the post. Basically, just accepted the invitation to become a CGL in my old CG.

To be honest, I have been trying to avoid that due to my other commitments, but after further consideration (and partly due to Sammie's skill of persuasion), I feel that uni is a platform where you should try new stuffs, and to get out of your comfort zone. I admit that I am getting 'quite' comfortable in my own CG group, when someone is leading, and I would just only need to participate without any commitments. Well, for sure, this is a new challenge, and I hope I would be a good CGL, by God's grace.

Another reason for taking up this post is partly due to my desire in serving the Lord. I mean, I haven't really done anything worthwhile during my stay in uni so far right? So, why not I try out this semester? It's another application to this verse, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all this things shall be added unto you".

Well, allow me to paste this testimony, which Sammie have wrote to me.

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But in the first year in CF, I really felt that the Lord has been gracious and my spiritual walk with Him had been growing, and I saw stepping up out of my comfort zone as a cgl as an opportunity to allow God to mould me through the journey and also an opportunity to love God more.

As a freshie back then in CF, I experienced a lot of warmth in the CG and hence I also wanted the freshies (next year) to experience that same warmth and edification from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Since stepping out of my comfort zone as a cgl, the Lord has really changed me a lot. He was my pillar of strength and comfort all this while, helping me to draw closer to Him, leaning on the strength He provided and not focusing on my inabilities.

Though my father was discouraging in my areas in service in church and in CF as he was very results-driven, wanting me to concentrate on my studies as he was worried that CF would consume a lot of my time during semester, I was prepared to face the impending challenges then and knew that I had to work a lot harder in my studies if I wanted to show my dad that service wouldn't necessarily detriment grades.

There's this fear amongst CFers of the inability to juggle both cf, church and studies at the same time. Haha, but why do we always have to see things negatively? Serving in CF can help you manage your time better for your studies, and through serving, God moulds you in your Christian walk with him and when we learn to rely on Him more, he provides the strength to help you conquer the seemingly unconquerable.

In fact, during XXX year as a cgl, her GPA was the highest and in my final year last acad year, though I was kept busy with many more commitments in church and in cf, God surprised me when my grades actually turned out the best among all the other sems. Really praise God and all glory goes to Him who provides the strength.

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There's more towards that, but you guess it. Basically, I wanted to experience the same thing, where I am finally applying stuffs which I have learn about trusting God and that He will provide. :)

So, now my responsibilities is kind of increasing, not to mention that school haven't even started yet. But I believe I could do it, by God's grace.

CF FOC '11

2011-07-23T23:41:00.003+08:00

To sum it up, CF FOC was great!

It was a new experience for me since I get to mix with a lot of Singaporeans, and this is perhaps the only time which I get to know more CF-ers rather than only my CG members. Certainly an eye-opener for me too to understand more about the Singapore's army (since the guys in my OG discussed this very often. Lol)

Anyway, I feel this camp is more like a Christian camp, which is something which I haven't went to in ages. Yes, I really like the games (especially the grand prix part), and most importantly, the sharing part and the theme talk session, which is entitled, 'God's people'.

About the sessions, well, I never knew there's so much more to Hosea, a book which I didn't really read even though its in the Bible (-.-), plus I would say some sessions really train your mind to think, on whether you place God's values higher or your own moral values higher. Come to think of it, it's tough to make a choice if I were to be confronted with those questions as the human nature would probably take over, for example this simple question.

You see a starving orphan child in a third world country in Southeast Asia and have only one thing you can do. You would:

1. Lead the child in the sinner's prayer
2. Preach the gospel to the child before he breathes his last.
3. Give the child food.

Among this 3 options, obviously, if one were to really care about God's thing, it would probably be option 1 and 2, whereas most (normal humans) would choose option 3. However, if we were to choose option 3, we would somehow take a risk. Why do I say so? If the child dies after that without hearing the gospel being preached to him, who would be responsible? Yes, some may argue that we give the child food, then share the gospel with him, but then sometimes we would never know what will happen next, thus making sharing the gospel very important in that situation. In short, it really boils down to whether one values are more towards the world mentality or God's mentality in the end.

Well, that's about the short sharing. Of course, there's more to that, but I wouldn't want to be too wordy. So, let's come to the fun part : pictures. :)

***********************************************************************

Only 3 plates of chicken rice, and it's shared among 10 people. Guess how we shared it? Lol. Taken during the Food Trail - Dhoby Ghaut.

This is the fun part which 'the best OG' --> my group did - the Ultimate Pac Man tank. Design is the nicest among the OG's although it might not be the fastest. :)

It's a very nice game although I have very low stamina. To play this game, all a group need is cardboard, tape, string, newspaper, water bombs, a creative mind and a willing participant + 2 runners. Maybe this game (grand prix) could be incorporated into Malaysian FOC some day hopefully.

Before the water bomb

After the water bomb, the condition is as shown on photo. Kind of funny when I think of it.

The sauces which we collected on our last day during supper. It's just crazy! Not to mention exothermic reaction between the sauces, which I was tricked. :)

OG - The Best Group photo (last day) - Xuan, Eldora, Amanda, Shuyi (best AOGL), Samuel (best OGL), Joel, Jasper, Timothy, Yin Fang, me and Starsky.

Best OG looking great as usual. Lol. Taken after the Pac Man was smashed.

Last day - lunch at Tampines.

To end this post, I feel the bonding session between the OG is strong. We have good memories and fun together as an OG during the camp, and that memory would probably be stuck in my mind even though we might part ways in future.

Short post on Bali Trip

2011-07-06T11:29:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged, and it seems I am hardly motivated to do it anymore if compare to when I first started it a few years back.

Well, just a short post on Bali. In my opinion, Bali is a pretty place although the condition of the road is really bad there.

Some sceneries that were taken there..

Waves that were taken on a beach during the day.

Waves in Kuta beach at night. Well, I need a better camera for that as the night mode sucks.

Blupoint beach. According to our tour guide, that is the best beach in Bali.

The beautiful sunset, where we witnessed it during our search for dolphins.

Volcano, taken from afar, as we are not allowed to go too near the volcano. Oh yeah, we have a sumptuous buffet lunch at that location as well. :)

Tanah Lot area, where I manage to grab a few cheap souvenirs there. :)

Terrace area, on our last day of visit.

The quest in searching for dolphins. Well, this picture portrays the dolphins tail.

The dolphins were taken at close range this time. Quite difficult to snap this as the dolphins always came out randomly..

Photos taken with the local 'hot chicks'.

A special photo taken with the 'white monkey' who is the hero that night during the locals performance. Admittedly, their performance is slightly different compare to what I am normally exposed to (modern dance/performance). Perhaps I need to adjust myself to watch traditional performance to appreciate their dance more since I feel kinda bored in most parts of their performance.

In short, Bali is a nice trip no doubt. And of course, we never get to visit all the places since the cost would be too high if we were to do that, plus, you would need probably a week to visit all parts of Bali.

That end my short post for now. Hopefully I would find more inspiration in blogging in future. :)

Glad

2011-06-10T11:57:00.002+08:00

Am glad that the recent results have turned out fine, and in fact, it is something which I would never have expected after the first 3 sem results..

So, that is kind of a breakthrough from my previous results. Hopefully this kind of result could give me back the confidence needed for year 3 sem 1 and so forth since the past few semesters is actually quite depressing although if I graph my results, it seems to be increasing as each semester passes.

Since I am only left with 4 semesters now, it would be a miracle if I can push myself to get a second upper by the time I graduated. If not, well, guess I have to stick with my current status now, as second lower.

Honestly, I am contented and very satisfied this time, unlike previous semesters. At least I manage to defeat myself, and surpassed my own expectations for the first time.

As I glance on some status-es/wall posts in fb, there are some who get 5.0/first class etc. Well, who cares about what other did? (even if they get first class, why bother or even envious about their results? The only thing that matters is you have improvement (which is by a lot) and that you manage to defeat the greatest enemy, which is yourself)

So, now am I able to push myself to second upper or will I remain stagnant in second lower? Only time will tell whether that could happen or not.

Motivational Quotes

2011-06-05T16:52:00.002+08:00

Just glanced upon one of my friend's post. Kind of interested in those quotes which she had posted. Maybe I should print and paste it in my ntu room in future since the pictures look nice as well? :)

Anyway, just thought of sharing it here, while waiting for D day, which will be in a few days.

Sounds simple isn't it? If you can dream it, you can do it.

Anyway, heading for camp tomorrow, and awaiting this weekend, whereby one of my friend is getting married. Now what should I give them as a wedding present? *thinking(

One of the worst days

2011-05-21T19:51:00.006+08:00

In fact, this day is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable, when suddenly at the end of it all, everything fell apart. Bad luck kept coming. And obviously, there come the curses. I don't usually do that, unless it's really bad.

Okay, to summarize, my wallet was stolen.

So, 200 sgd was lost (average, since I have malaysian ringgit plus approximately 130-150 sgd inside the wallet), Mensa keys, singapore sim card, and my bus ticket back to Ipoh. That kind of stuffs may not seem a lot, but think in this way. Someone stole one month of your salary. So, is it a lot now? Very 'cool' that this sort of thing happens.

Then, during lunch time, water spilt onto my pants for no reason, and when I came back, my Malaysian sim card finally broke down, which in literal meaning 'teared'.

So, shouldn't I curse the person who is the culprit behind this, the one who have stolen one of my most precious stuff, the one who have been giving me bad mood the entire day? For that person, who have stolen my cash. I would give him this message.

'Enjoy that money while you can. You will certainly pay back for that some day. Hope you will reap whatever you sow.'

Certainly, I am thankful that the thief left the most important stuffs inside (OCBC, student card, green card, etc), but the fact is... THAT SORT OF THING SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE! Pissed.

Now, I have to face a second lecture from my parents when I am back in Ipoh. Cool, isn't it?

See whether you would like to be in my shoes today.

Apparently, writing this post do calm me down to a certain extent as I was pretty mad that time.

P.S: This post is not intended to offend anybody. And I do apologize if it turns out that way, to some readers. Post also edited a bit.

One more paper to go....

2011-05-14T02:54:00.003+08:00

And I am done with year 2.

Just hoping that I can maintain at least 3.5, but it doesn't really seem so if I were to mark my own scripts. So, D-day would be 9 Jun 2011, when I will receive my results. Not going to do any predictions this time around since I just don't know what grade I will receive. -.-

I am just hoping that I won't see a C or D there. Not really a selfish wish right? Even if I get an average of B (3.5), I would be satisfied. I don't need more. But more would be a plus.

Well, 1 more paper to go, and I will soon be entering year 3, where I would finally get exposed to working life in the second semester.

And what do I feel about this course after 2 years?

Answer: Adjusted to it, and I have accepted the fact that I can never be among the best. Throughout this 2 years of studies, I realized I kind of dislike electricity/electronics concepts a lot (do note that I do not dislike physics but only part of it). Just do not know why I cannot score in that part/ understand it. :/

Rigid modules like fluids and thermo seems easier for me, which includes biology modules as well, but this time, due to poor management of time, I did not finish my thermo paper. (if given 3.5 hours, I am sure I can finish it. Oh well, that's the past and it's the consequences of open book examination, where u would spend some of your precious time to flip through your notes/tutorials/textbook for reference. Just hope that the damage won't be that bad.)

Lab, on the other hand is always boring, although there are certain interesting labs. Projects given during second year first sem were interesting, especially technical communication and the 2 biomaterial papers which consume a lot of time. Those sort of projects involved group work, and I learn that sometimes, even if you do not agree with the group's opinion, you have to learn how to compromise. Deadlines are important as well in a group. Well, quite a nice exposure especially when that's the time I get to mix more around with different nationalities (especially the locals).

Come to think of it, I still sucks especially when I am presenting my part in front of everyone. Hmm.. Thinking how to improve on that, although I would say I communicate better when in groups. Hopefully next year, for professional communication, I would be able to improve.

For second year second sem, optional assignments like the term paper definitely kills a lot of time, but on the bright side, it helps to mould me to be tougher.

And last thing, Matlab is quite fun, though the first half isn't fun at all especially when you have to do it by yourself WITHOUT any explanation or guidance from the lecturer. For the second half, the lecturer is much better, and explains his stuffs well. Sometimes, wish there are more lecturers like that. At least he gets me to be interested in experimenting with various codes (I am beginning to understand how certain codes work though I am not THAT good yet).. Looking forward to more of his classes next sem. ^^

Okay, I got to end here and to prepare for my final paper, which should be quite relaxing since the tough parts are over. At least the end is near. :)

************************************************************

Came across this nice picture, which is edited by someone.

That's the spirit I ought to have for the rest of my remaining semesters, which applies to life in general as well.

IF I could go back in time (year 1)

2011-05-02T01:03:00.009+08:00

As stated, I would share with myself this 2 articles that were written by this girl..

HERE and HERE

There is certainly something that I could change if I have read that earlier, especially tip number 5, 7 and 8.

But alas, that obviously could not happen. The future is more important right now instead of looking back at the past, which is something that I could not change.

Thus, I could only trust in God's providence that He would not fail me even if I may not graduate with first class or even second upper.

Well, the only thing I could do now (after going through almost 2 years of education in uni) is to put in my very best despite my own current limitations (do note how strong point 5 is in the article) and to avoid stressing myself too much since stressing too much could lead to one having a worse performance than usual (proven in the past few years).. as the famous saying goes, "Do your best and let God do the rest." This is one thing which I could do.

********************************************************************

Time to 'chiong' seriously. Must optimize the remaining time which I have right now though I had covered my core syllabus (especially bioelectricity) with limited understanding.

Good Friday and Easter

2011-04-24T02:04:00.007+08:00

On Good Friday, we are yet again reminded of the sufferings which our Lord has endured and also the love which He has shown to us when He allow Himself to be crucified on the cross. That itself is pure sacrifice, which is done out of unconditional love. Whereas Easter is a reminder of the victory which our Lord Jesus have over death when He rose again in 3 days.

Death indeed could not defeat Him, and Jesus's resurrection is basically the core of why Christianity exists. If Jesus have not risen, then our faith would have been worthless and Christianity would be just a mere religion.

On these 2 significant days, personally, I am again reminded on how gracious and loving God is to me, especially during my times of weakness, where I would sometimes feel overwhelmed with all the tasks on hand, and ignored quiet time (QT) together with Him.

Imagine if I did that with my own parents, where I ignore them because I am too busy with work. Obviously that would hurt them right? Similarly, He would also be hurt if we did the same thing to Him, by ignoring QT. Furthermore, the fact that He have done so much for us on this very day would definitely hurt Him even more if we ignore Him in our lives.

Thank you Lord for reminding me again of the importance of doing QT, which is also a time of refreshing and renewing of strength from Him.

Just to share a video that was sang by Kari Jobe, entitled, "You are for me" which was sang during church today.

Thank you Lord for reminding me once again of who You really are and that You are always for me.

Have a blessed Easter everyone. :)

Got to improve

2011-04-05T17:30:00.011+08:00

About one month remaining before finals, and after the discussion about the biomechanics mid term today, it totally exposed my weakness, which is my concept just isn't there yet, unlike others who have strong understanding of the concepts.

To be honest, the paper 'look' really easy after my prof explained some of the concepts that were tested. Needless to say, I know most of my answers are wrong and I got to find a way to improve myself and strive to get at least a B in my final. I do hope that my mark for the recently concluded mid term isn't one of the lowest for my batch though. -.-

Bottom line is: I have to improve myself, especially on my concepts. And I thank God for showing me that I am still not prepared to face the final exam. Yes, there is definitely still time to improve and this few weeks would be a test of perseverance and focus, since there are still homework and quizzes (and term paper) yet to be completed.

Job 23:10 encourages me at times, and it writes:

'But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.'

Term paper progress: Going to complete it soon, but got to put it on hold first (since need to do the more urgent thing first like lab reports). A bit happy about my progress currently. ^^

Through It All

2011-04-02T02:31:00.013+08:00

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

Hallelujah

Indeed it's a challenge to live everyday's life. Yet, I am again reminded about God's faithfulness through this song. Where when we praise and worship Him, it's all ABOUT Him and NONE about me, about the act of surrendering, and casting all my burdens unto Him because He is faithful.

Why have I forgotten Him especially in my moments of weakness, during the times when I just feel everything is not going right in my life and letting emotions reign over my life? Well, the past few days have just been a bit down to me.

I can say that if I were to continue doing what I am doing (with days of deprived sleep), I would be indirectly killing away my days in uni. Not only that, my grade this sem could perhaps be the worst in my 4 years of studies since I am just not 'studying smart'.

Sometimes I do ask 'why do I have to go through all this #%*@' when in fact, the answer is..... just look to Him, surrendering to Him and allowing Him to reign over every part of my life- to have Him guiding me while I am doing my term paper, to have Him while I am doing my revision etc.

Well, this post is just my reflection based on this few days. Perhaps it's time to set my priority right and just be cheerful. Just remembered what my cell leader Sammie wrote in a sms earlier," With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm". Well, sometimes simple act like that could just brighten up someone's day and I hope I could do the same to others too when an opportunity comes. :)

On a bright note, 11 pages of draft for term paper have been done. Still a few more to go. Yes, it may not be perfect since I can only write what I 'can' understand. But perhaps it's good to do this term paper - come to think of it (for long term). I have heard that to enter research field, you would have to be patient when encountering failures (where there might be some case where no results is observed while doing research) besides reading on all these journal articles (to be honest, I am actually hating it now) so that you could write one yourself in future. Perhaps this serves a good training for that purpose (and possibly fyp in future?) :)

Ending this post now.

P.S: Currently in a better mood after writing this.

Untitled

2011-03-29T20:15:00.003+08:00

Life kind of sucks sometimes.

Since I think I did badly in my biomechanics mid term (which includes a few questions from last year's paper), there goes. I have to start on my term paper, which is about 20 pages, starting from now (if not, my overall grade would be even screwed).

Believe me.. The process of doing the term paper isn't fun at all. ( I have experienced hell last sem on all the projects, which include 2 research topics. The difference this time is.. it's individual work, whereas last time, it's all about group work).

Let's hope that I could finish it by the deadline, which is 29th April.. Personal deadline: 8th April.

Imagine this.. If last year's paper is already kind of 'hard' enough, I wouldn't want to imagine how this year's paper would be. :(

Okay, why am I now thinking so negatively? Be positive, Lawrence!

A 'fail' day

2011-03-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

Well, I just feel that I am a failure in just basically everything. That's said and I would end this post. Do not want to elaborate further..

NTU-NUS 2011

2011-03-13T01:37:00.006+08:00

Result: NTU won for the first time in 3 years. :)

Dinner at Prince George Park, NUS.

Round 2: Playing against Wern Jian, a very strong player.

Link to his FIDE rating: HERE

And wow, he even played in World Youth Olympiad before..

Link: HERE

One of his games against a GM.
Link: HERE

See the position. (if you could see since the board wasn't captured fully). Played wrongly, and have to defend throughout the whole game. zzz.

Actually, I ~~lost~~ won the game by time. In fact, if the time control is longer, I would have actually lost the game. Lol. Guess I am only good at playing fast games (15 -30 minutes). No wonder I fare badly in National Closed last time. :)

Group picture with the NUS team.

A nice outing, where I learned something especially when playing against Wern Jian.

Lab session

2011-03-09T17:40:00.004+08:00

Ah. Just experienced one of the interesting lab sessions.. (at least this lab is not as boring like others. Would say it's probably one of the labs where everyone have to dissect at least one(I dissect 2 in this case)..

The lab is..

Obviously not that. If that really happens, most people would love to be in BIE already since it's fun. LOL.

The experiment is... dissecting a tendon out from a chicken, which involves a simple dissection on the chicken feet, and after that, analysis (tensile test - boring part) is made to see how 'tough' the tendon is. It's quite interesting to see how a tendon actually look like instead of studying only the theory about it. Now if only we could replace it with human tendon (for the tests), that would be more interesting. :)

Ah, just pure randomness. Kind of miss the actual rat dissection experiment done during Form 6 last time. :)

Short Trip To RCHD

2011-03-05T15:32:00.011+08:00

RCHD, in this case stands for Red Cross Home for the disabled.

Just want to share on what I feel about the trip recently. (5th march, Sat)

On my first time entering the place, while observing the people there, I didn't really feel that comfortable, since some of the conditions they have were kind of 'serious'.

Well, but after a while, got adjusted to the conditions there, and to be honest, it was a really nice experience - helping in the games, communicating with the folks and feeding them.

What we actually did there

(no pictures could be posted as to protect the integrity of the people there.)

We helped out in some mini games, which is a type of therapy session for them. During that session (mine was bowling and throwing the ball into a type of container), it was encouraging to see most of the folks over there being enthusiastic over the games, where a woman was really quick in completing the task. I bet she could be even faster than me if it is a competition. =.= Also from what I heard, it is the first time Red Cross members participate in that session (even though they have been there a lot of times before previously).

Next we come to the feeding part, where each one of us were asked to feed the disabled. In fact, I am actually quite blessed to be able to be given such an opportunity, to be able to do a part (even though it may not be much) in learning to care for the people there. Everything turns out right in the end though there were some 'resistance' in the beginning. :)

However, about the communication part, at times, I just do not know what to say to them, but it turns out that some of them are actually quite friendly. Perhaps I would be able to learn how to communicate with them better in future. (after observing some red cross members doing it). Definitely something to be improved on.

To summarize, this experience is indeed priceless to me, and I feel that it is a 2-way relationship, where we give by sacrificing part of our time with them, and in return, we got valuable experience, and also some insight to be taken home. :)

This trip reminded me yet again about how blessed I am to be able to live a life without disabilities, but sometimes as human, we do whine about our inadequacies in life, without realizing that there are actually a group of people out there, who couldn't even want to whine even if they want to. Perhaps something to think about, especially when we want to start whining about our current situations? :)

*****************************************************************

Just to end with a video recently shown on facebook about a girl who plays a piece by Richard Clayderman perfectly (at least to me) even though she got a hand without any fingers. I was just stunned when I saw her performance for the first time on facebook. Here's the video.

If she could do it, as in playing the piece despite disabilities and obstacles surrounding her, why couldn't I do the same (in other areas of my life)? That's a question which I ought to ask myself whenever I feel like whining. :)

ISRG Chess 2011

2011-02-24T10:50:00.006+08:00

Well, remember I have said that I would not play in this event due to having a lousy team? Yeah, the team is lousy indeed (the two of them didn't even show their face during the event and I am the only one playing, which doesn't matter anyway).

I would not play if it weren't for the individual prizes.

Indeed, my performance is really good, with a straight 6 wins out of 7 before going down on the 7th round. Very frustrating indeed, especially when you are on a fantastic run before falling short in the end. That's a lesson to be learned.

The good thing is I avenged my defeat in IHG to one of NTU's strongest player, Gabriel, by a fantastic Nxf7 sacrifice, which he didn't see obviously. And when he blundered another rook in the ending, the victory is 100% for me. To be honest, this is the first time I saw a player who had played international tournaments to blunder a full rook especially when there is still a lot of time remaining for both parties :)

The bad thing is ... I lost to Jer Shin (from hall 10) whom I have defeated in IHG previously. To make things worse, I was using the same color as I have used against him in IHG (white) but only different openings since I thought that opening would have a higher chance to draw. It was indeed frustrating. IF I manage to draw the game, the champion title would go to me, but alas, I have to settle for second place due to my poor tie break against Gabriel's superior tie break (which I am still curious on how it happens)

Well, things like that do happen. Just when you thought everything is smooth going, there might be a final obstacle in the way. Applicable to life in a way. However, what matters most is how you get over the defeat and to improve yourself further.

Just like studies. Studies is indeed getting tougher every sem, and defeats over the past 3 semesters wouldn't hinder me to give my best even though I might not score positive results every sem. :)

Let God..

2011-02-20T10:25:00.001+08:00

The storms might be rough, the valley might be deep, the ocean might be wide right in front of you but let go and let God. He's in control. Are you allowing God to be the Lord in every area of your life?

Saw this from facebook. It's an interesting question, which one could think about. :)

IHG 2011

2011-02-11T00:51:00.003+08:00

(delayed post. Drafted it ages ago. Just waiting for some photos before I can post it.)

For international chess, this year was quite a success since we made it to the semi-finals for the first time. Historic result.

Could have gone on to the finals (and win it as well) if one of my key players have won one of the crucial match in the semi. I could see he is sad after losing that match, which is unavoidable as the opposition on that board is strong. Thus, the match in the semi-final was a close one, losing 3-2 to Hall 13.

To be honest, I am actually quite happy with the team's performance despite losing in the semi-finals against hall 13. The team really gave the best despite not having enough strong players. And some of them have amazing fighting spirit. Some talents were also discovered, and I am quite surprised that one of my players could actually move so fast when there are just seconds remaining on the clock. :)

Hopefully next year, we could create history by getting gold. But that could only happen IF there are strong freshies coming to Hall 11. If not, this might be the only time we could achieve a result like this.

Comments on the matches

About the matches, I faced tough opposition on first, second round and also the semi-finals. In the second round, I lost to a really strong player from hall 1. In fact, I have actually googled his name after that and found out he have gone for so many international tournaments including the asean junior championships, drawing with top juniors from Malaysia. Obviously, I am not his match although I did tried my best to hold the game. Perhaps next time, I would be more prepared when I face him again.

However, for that round, we won against Hall 1 with a 3.5-1.5 score. Although Hall 1 did somehow won the IHG this year, we actually have beaten them earlier in the preliminary rounds. :)

As for this tournament, I have definitely enjoy it. All of the players in the team (and non-players) were quite close with one another. It somehow came as a surprise that there were actually quite a lot of things to talk about besides chess.

I could proudly say this is the best team I have ever participated in. It's even better than the team event in the Merdeka Championship a few years back. :)

Picture of the team:

Definitely one which I would always remember. :)

Next tourney: NUS vs NTU (friendly match). It seems I can never get enough with chess. Lol. But studies is also a main priority for now. Better be serious in that although there's no hope in getting second upper. :)

The battle begins

2011-02-06T16:29:00.003+08:00

CNY is just over, which means the battle to survive in year 2 sem 2 is just beginning.

With tons of new stuffs to learn this sem, this sem could be challenging indeed. :)

A few stuffs for this sem would be: -

1. Mat Lab (a new language for me. Hopefully by the end of this sem, I would be able to know how to code simple stuffs without referring to guide.)

2. Mensa subcomm appreciation dinner chair. This is the first time I am taking up this challenge. Hope I won't screw things up for this event.

3. Inter school chess. I am probably not THAT interested in this event (compare to IHG. Post for IHG is still pending due to me waiting for some pics to be uploaded by a friend), but still, if it takes up too much time from my part, I could just quit. No harm done. :)

4. CS 805. Will be taking this module on my own. No friends there. Not a single one that I know. Let's see how am I going to cope with that elective by my own. Obviously, I am going to SU that elective.

That practically ends my short post for now. Departing for SG in a few hours time, and hopefully some kind soul will share part of their tutorial answers to me during lec.

P.S: Feel that I have to post something up since it's been 2 weeks since I last posted here. Lol.

Wait To Worry

2011-01-19T23:19:00.004+08:00

An interesting article. It's very well written and I could relate to it. :) Read on.

An Excerpt from
Attitude is Everything
by Vicki Hitzges

I used to worry. A lot. The more I fretted, the more proficient I became at it. Anxiety begets anxiety. I even worried that I worried too much! Ulcers might develop. My health could fail. My finances could deplete to pay the hospital bills.
A comedian once said, "I tried to drown my worries with gin, but my worries are equipped with flotation devices." While not a drinker, I certainly could identify! My worries could swim, jump and pole vault!

To get some perspective, I visited a well known, Dallas businessman, Fred Smith. Fred mentored such luminaries as motivational whiz Zig Ziglar, business guru Ken Blanchard and leadership expert John Maxwell. Fred listened as I poured out my concerns and then said, "Vicki, you need to learn to wait to worry."

As the words sank in, I asked Fred if he ever spent time fretting. (I was quite certain he wouldn't admit it if he did. He was pretty full of testosterone-even at age 90.) To my surprise, he confessed that in years gone by he had been a top-notch worrier!

"I decided that I would wait to worry!" he explained. "I decided that I'd wait until I actually had a reason to worry-something that was happening, not just something that might happen-before I worried."

"When I'm tempted to get alarmed," he confided, "I tell myself, 'Fred, you've got to wait to worry! Until you know differently, don't worry.' And I don't. Waiting to worry helps me develop the habit of not worrying and that helps me not be tempted to worry."

Fred possessed a quick mind and a gift for gab. As such, he became a captivating public speaker.
"I frequently ask audiences what they were worried about this time last year. I get a lot of laughs," he said, "because most people can't remember.

Then I ask if they have a current worry - you see nods from everybody.
Then I remind them that the average worrier is 92% inefficient - only 8% of what we worry about ever comes true."

Charles Spurgeon said it best. "Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength."

Year 2 Sem 1 result

2011-01-18T00:33:00.004+08:00

To summarize this sem, CGPA (cumulative) improve by 0.03. Semester cgpa improve a lot compared to last sem, which is really disastrous. This puts an end to my dream of graduating with second upper. It means I have to accept the fact that I will graduate with second lower regardless of how hard I do. (If I play around, the results would definitely be worse.)

The only thing I am happy is .. Fluids, a 4AU subject got A. Okay, perhaps you have noticed that I have complained earlier about fluids, which is somehow ironic that I got A for that. Perhaps it's due to the course nature, where a restricted open book test is allowed, which allow me to write down everything that is then tested in exam.

But for electronics, I wonder where I went wrong. God really have a way to give surprises. One extremely good result in a subject and one extremely disappointing result in another. When I average it, it just become 'average'.

Well, to cut it short, I am thankful that my results did not fall any further. Just hope that my GPA for this sem (sem 2 year 2) would be able to be maintained or to be improved slightly. Do not have high wishes for it as I am a realistic person.

P.S: of course I won't be publishing my result here. It's highly secretive.

A story on true love

2011-01-14T01:56:00.005+08:00

Since I have nothing interesting to post about my life, perhaps I would share this interesting story, taken from a group in facebook. :)

THE RAIN

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On examination, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. He told me that he had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

New year 2011

2011-01-01T19:25:00.003+08:00

The old year 2010 have just passed, and the new year, 2011 have just arrived.

I wonder how would this year 2011 be different compared to the year 2010. Hope it would be better although academic-wise, it may not be better.

Well, for the new year, I am very interested on how I would fare in my new 4 core subjects - thermodynamics, computational methods, biomechanics, and bioelectronics.

The only downside to all the new modules is I COULD not find any solution manual for any of the textbook. That could put me in misery since lecturers, especially for biomechanics will not upload any solutions.

Hope that this year is for the better. Well, to be honest, I have certainly grown a 'liking' to physics stuffs compared to my first year. Now waiting for results day, which falls on 18 January.

Part 1 of exam

2010-12-18T12:23:00.003+08:00

I just feel bad about all the papers that I have just took recently for finals. (electronics, mechanics of material, biomaterials)

As for mechanics of materials, one of the subjects which I really work hard for this sem (countless tutorials done + extra questions that I did personally without the tutor asking me to do), I suspect a grade B or even B- would emerge after adding everything (quizzes, mid term and homework), due to my inability to do the final paper well. Just glad that the weightage for finals is not high (45%). If not, I am totally screwed.

For biomaterials, I have always suspected that they would come out techniques, which is something that I have attempted to memorize and memorize all over again, but actually failed to do so since that part is TOTALLY boring. In the end, they really come out those type of questions, and I could just only bang whatever that I think is correct. A probable B or B+, depending on luck. :(

Electronics... Perhaps my biggest weak point is circuit analysis part, where I always fail to get the answer correct even in my own personal practice (tutorial + certain questions). Well, the final paper didn't deviate much from the past year, but as usual, my first question sucks since my fundamental concepts really isn't there. Probably B or B+ since the other questions was 'okay'.

For culture transition, my elective, probably can get S even though I crap a lot. Hope so. I am lucky that I actually S/U that subject.

Still have 2 more papers to go, which is biomolecular + fluids. For biomolecular, I have to really sit down and memorize the second part since I screwed up the mid term. Probably another A gone. As for fluids, no comments. Depends on luck, on whether I can actually do any of the questions during finals. Being able to do tutorial questions doesn't mean you can do the final well (proven in MoM). But will still put in my very best (even though it may not be up to other people's standard)

Perhaps this sem would be a repeat of last sem, whereby I fail to get even a single A for my core subjects. (well, it's already normal to me. What can be worse than last sem huh?)

Honestly, I am really disappointed with my inability to compete with others. Hope that by the time I graduate, I could still get a job with a second lower degree (or third class), which doesn't look good at the moment. Seriously, why must I face so much failure in uni?!!!

I see the future is bad for me at the moment. Just didn't see any sense of hope with a third class or second lower degree.

Something to ponder about

2010-12-06T01:21:00.004+08:00

Reposted from this blog. Feel that what she post is really encouraging. Thus, thought of sharing it here. Enjoy. :)

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...AND
Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. And now here are a few points to ponder.

******************************************************************

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
3. Growing old is inevitable, growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Good advice right? I like point 7 and 13. Really something to ponder about. :)

Like Button On Blog Posts

2010-12-03T02:09:00.004+08:00

Just discovered this. Actually, was a bit curious a few weeks back on how the like button came about.

So, guess what?

Yes, you got it right. I GOOGLE. If you do not know anything, the best way to solve that is by googling. :)

Anyway, putting the like button isn't that difficult. Pretty easy in fact. And it's a good way to relieve some stress which I am facing currently especially on MoM and fluids.

Come to think of it.. I just realize something. I am pretty alone when I am studying/doing tutorials. Thus, if I do not know how to do certain questions, there's practically no one for me to ask except by emailing the lecturer or google. Not a good thing to be done in uni.

But sadly, what can I do except to do it independently? Asking seniors isn't going to help as they have probably forgotten everything. :( Somehow, I just wish that one day I would be able to find a group which I really belong to, where thoughts could be shared, but that's merely a wish.

Okay, back to doing hard core mechanics stuffs. 1 more week to final. :(

Final week

2010-11-23T16:07:00.003+08:00

Final week of lectures will be approaching soon.

About the last week, which would be next week,

I would have one last quiz for MoM (which I MUST do well since my mid term mark sucks to the max), one serious presentation and full-blast lectures and tutorials on Tuesday (from morning until evening with only 1 hour break). That would be the second time for this semester that I would experience that. Besides that, there are still some fluid assignments to be submitted that week (and this week).

Not to mention that I am NOT prepared for fluids nor MoM. (since when I will ever be prepared for it anyway? Quite unlikely. Can only hope that the cheat sheet which I would be preparing for fluids is sufficient enough.)

About revision for finals, I think I have done enough homework for this sem to be considered as 'revision'. Well, that is only my thought. Still need to see past year questions.

Do hope that my GPA won't fall again this sem as it seems to decline at a steady rate every sem sadly. Time to break that declining trend! (even if it increases slightly, I would be happy already)

P.S: Need to find a study group soon so that I would be more motivated to study.

HOPE

2010-10-31T15:38:00.002+08:00

Just wanted to share something concerning the meaning of hope. There are 2 meanings.

H - Have
O - Only
P - Positive
E - Expectations

In another context, it could also mean this.

H - Holding
O - Onto
P - Prayer
E - Everyday

It seems it's like a direct reply to my previous post since I was reacting quite negatively as if there is no hope for me in fluids. Didn't expected this message to be preached during service today. :)

It's definitely a timely message for me that I don't lose HOPE even when the circumstances may not be in favor for me..

Just like Jairus (Luke 8:40-42, 49-56), he had placed his whole hope on Jesus to heal his daughter who was seriously sick at that moment. When he finally got Jesus to his house, he was informed that his daughter have just passed away. You could just imagine how Jairus have felt that time. Hopeless, disappointed, sad etc.

But then, as in the scripture, Jesus replied, "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed."

The key word here is to believe, to hold unto the promise of God and also to trust that He will do His part in the situation in which you are in now. (of course I have to do my own part as well)

Thanks for a timely reminder from Ps Kong today. :)

Life of an undergraduate studying fluids

2010-10-30T23:48:00.004+08:00

Believe me, I don't understand a single thing about that nor how they derive it.

If you think the picture above look worse, below is zzzz.. There are more lecture slides that look like that.

While I was listening to my lecturer explaining that, my eyes are like @@. Not a good sign perhaps. Some of my coursemates could instantly understand, which make me freaked out. If everyone also understands fully, I am just gone case.

It's not like I do not want to learn. It's just frankly speaking... tough to learn it by yourself. :( The good thing is I kind of understand the first part (continuous equation), but this is a bit abstract. Sigh. Hope that I will be able to learn it soon. Cause in finals, there will definitely be one question tested on this. My lecturer confirms it. Well, really need to figure out on who can help me in this. If not, really gg.

Well, ought to be glad that I am not in mechanical engineering. Theirs is a lot worse than this for sure, which explains why even some smart guys can get D for their final.

Anyway, got to prepare for Mechanics of Material mid-term. Honestly, that subject is tough, but not as tough as fluids. Just hope that I could interpret the diagram correctly. Formulas - nothing much to remember, but understanding is crucial.

Countdown: About 1 month before final starts, and everything look hectic at the moment.

Recess week

2010-10-17T23:43:00.003+08:00

Recess week is a gift given, and I do appreciate it as it relieves a bit of stress which I am constantly feeling since the start of year 2 sem 1.

However, my recess week is merely just catching up on electronics(whole week), finishing up endless homework on Mechanics of Materials (whole week), finishing 1 formal and a normal lab report, group discussion (Wed), ECF CG outing (Thursday) and lastly fluids quiz (Friday).

Kind of pissed off with the date of the quiz. It's SUPPOSE to be recess week, right? Why in the @#$% is there a quiz? Guess there's nothing that I could do about it. Should just accept the fact. Sigh. That's just the situation in BIE NTU year 2 sem 1 year 2010. It's just unique compare to the rest of the courses in NTU. I believe even my seniors do not have that.

On the contrary, at least I could spend some quality time for devotion since there is no lecture. Must always be reminded that God is in total control over all circumstances I am in and also if God do not allow something to happen, it WILL definitely NOT happen. And when there's obstacle laid down on your path, it might be God allowing it to happen so that I would constantly learn to lean on Him for guidance and not to use my own wisdom to do stuffs.

Anyway, some interesting readings which I just read when I have free time today.

1. HERE (click on the link to go to the article). I would say it's a truly inspiring article (preached by Ps. Kong's yesterday - 16th Oct).

Interesting advice

2010-10-07T13:58:00.005+08:00

Stumbled upon my friend's blog which leads me to this site concerning university life. There are 10 advices which I personally like from that site but have yet to experience it. (although I really wish to) :)

1. Adjust your schedule around when you are most productive and creative. If you're nocturnal and do your best work late at night, embrace that. It may be the only time in your life when you can.
(sounds like a good advice but may be detrimental to health)

2. Go on dates. Don't feel like every date has to turn into a relationship.
(I wish. No time)

3. Take risks.
(as mentioned in one of my previous post)

4. Welcome failure into your lives. It's how we grow. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered.
(I have already experienced failure especially in my last sem. Results were horrendous. However, my perception of failure might be different from what you think. For me, failure means not performing well as what you hope for, which in other terms, means underachieving). Well, but the last part captivates me. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered. So, conclusion: I can only keep trying and trying, but I wonder how long I could actually last before I fall into severe depression of 'failing' too much)

5. It's important to think about the future, but it's more important to be present in the now. You won't get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone.
(sounds good)

6. Don't be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don't take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don't let it define your college (or maybe uni) experience.
(yeah, I am falling in love with my assignments, text books and projects. *sarcasm*. How I wish. But that sort of feeling haven't happen yet. And even if it do happen, I might be unable to commit fully due to busy-ness. )

7. Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful.
(Now this is extremely interesting. Hope to experience this in my remaining years in NTU)

8. Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you're no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things.
(Lol. I guess that's not so possible in my uni eh? Since they are so many complicated procedures behind it and also the amount of money and time which you have to pay for it if you really want to do so)

9. Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass.
(Good advice, and one which I hope will happen even though the assignments and projects are at a 'ridiculous' amount.

10. This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are every day.
(*nod nod*)

Okay, now back to finishing 3 homeworks. Hmmm.. and it seems I only post twice a month, which is so different compare to last time. Oh well, things change.

Hectic schedule ahead

2010-09-24T10:24:00.002+08:00

Well, here's the dates which I have compiled.

25-26 Sept- Chess tourney in poly (which I highly regretted joining since I do not know my workload this sem is freaking high. But sadly, can't quit either)
1 Oct- mechanics of material quiz
5 Oct- Biomaterials quiz
6 Oct- My elective quiz
11 Oct- Fluids and biomolecular quiz
12 Oct- Submission of report 2 for biomaterials project.

I haven't included the dates for my technical communication project cause it's unknown and 'building up'. But some parts of the projects (deadline) should be around the time which I have to prepare for the quiz. :/

So, you tell me how I am going to study or revise for every single subject when there is homework for each module almost every week besides 2 freaking-taking-time-projects, where the deadline is getting nearer and nearer? :/

Besides, there's commitment to Mensa. Since I am quite 'new' to all the admin stuffs required for logistics, it would probably take a while to get adjusted to the procedures. But it's a good opportunity to learn, which I am not complaining here.

Sometimes, I really do need 48 hours per day. 24 hours is only enough if you sacrifice your sleep to 3-4 hours daily, which is highly not recommended since your performances daily will drop a lot due to lack of sleep.

As you can see, it's probably 3 times the workload which I had for sem 2 year 1. Uni is so cool eh?

Life's lesson (1)

2010-09-15T17:14:00.009+08:00

Be BOLD and learn to take risk.

Harsh fact. But it's true. I just learned it the hard way.

Today, I went to my school to vote my friend in, and it turns out the position which I initially thought of applying have only 2 candidates.

IF only I just take the initiative to print out my photo and be bold enough to go for the rally, I could have a high chance to get a position in main comm and be secured of a hall next sem. Alas, that is not to be because I dare not take the risk and chickened out after thinking on how difficult the procedure is. *smack myself*

As the saying goes, "If you want to accomplish anything in life, you can't just sit back and hope it will happen. You've got to make it happen."

Lesson learned. Time to move on. Year 2 sem 1 is extremely challenging and taxing when you have loads of homeworks (that you don't know how to do) and reports (projects) to work on.

a few days into second year

2010-09-01T00:51:00.002+08:00

Just a few days into my second year, I just feel incredibly stressful. Just don't know why. Maybe it's because I got some homework on my first day (monday) or maybe because for mechanics of materials (a core subject), the lecturer have said homework, 3 quizzes and mid term are of higher percentage (60%) compare to finals, which is only a mere 40 %. Or maybe it's because I haven't adjusted to uni life after enjoying 4 whole months of holiday. That may explain why my leg muscles feel painful after helping some of my friends in transferring stuffs to their room.

But whatever it is, I hope that things will get better when my second week comes. For my first week, I could hardly find time to even sit down and revise the current lecture. I realize I need to do that. If not, I would just be repeating the previous mistakes which I have done during my first year, putting some subjects as last minute work.

Well, maybe I should just put studies aside this week (though I got a homework which must be completed by next tuesday) since FOC is around the corner. After this FOC, hopefully things would change for the better.

Signing off to sleep now. Extremely tired.

Hillsong Unite+Conquer 2010

2010-08-15T15:05:00.009+08:00

Well, as most of you know, the concert was held at Syuen Hotel, Ipoh for 2 days (11th and 12th August).

The speakers for that 2 days were

Pastor Josh Kimes

and

Pastor Lee Burns

Both of them delivered a message that was really uplifting for that 2 whole days. I still remember one particular message where Pastor Lee Burns spoke about being in agreement with God. It's a simple message. Part of the message goes like this..

Someone: Lord, that problem is too big for me to handle.
God: Yes, I know.

Someone: Lord, I couldn't do it by my own strength.
God: Yes, I know.

Someone: Lord, I need your spirit and strength to go through this tough situation I am in.
God: Yes, I know.

That's how the 'someone' and God got into agreement with each other.

Also at times, God may want us to do practically nothing (although we might feel that we ought to do something at that particular time) but just to be still and to draw upon His strength. Sometimes, it's just hard to do that cause it's human nature that we want to be in control, isn't it? And when we are in control, we are certainly not being in agreement with God as we are not dependent upon Him, thinking that we could do it by our own mere strength.

Well, that's only part of the message on the second day.

Other photos

Different lightings captured by my friend camera. Not too bad I guess.

A scene taken from the concert. :)

The coolest drummer. You should have seen him play during the event. It was just 'wow'.

And lastly,

a photo of me with some of the team. It's real difficult to get this photo as they (the team) was leaving that time.

Overall, it's two awesome nights where I get to refocus back on God which keep the fire burning in me. :)

Goals for Year 2 Sem 1

2010-08-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

The holiday is going to draw to an end soon, with only a few days left before my second year starts. How time passes without one realizing it. And going through fluid mechanic during my holidays is a bad idea since basically I do not know the scope of that subject, and in the end, I slack. Thus, I have decided to make this goal to remind myself on what is important.

Goals to achieve for year 2 sem 1:

1. Try to get second upper (for this sem, not CGPA) even though it's tough. Honestly, studying in Singapore make me feel stupid at times compared to my friends who are studying in Malaysia. But since that is the choice which I have made last time, just have to stick through it.

2. Participate more in club activities (but not to the extreme until I neglect my studies), since academic isn't that high priority any more. First class is out of reach for now, and experiences in club activities/taking up leadership positions would greatly enhance your value. (provided I could get a post in high tier clubs)

3. Less facebook-ing. Yes, I know that is tough, but it's necessary if I were to achieve my goal of graduating with second upper. Of course, it's not possible to do away with facebook completely, but less of it would be good.

4. Finish all tutorial questions and revision ON TIME. No last minute work unless I could not help it.

Simple goals isn't it? I pray that I would have the will to stick through the goals which I have set for myself. May my dream of seeing a first 'second upper' be a reality this time.

Hillsong Concert

2010-07-09T21:42:00.005+08:00

Hillsong in Ipoh! Historic isn't it? Since they seldom come to a small town like Ipoh. And even if they come, the concert would not be FOC like it is now.

And of course since uni starts late due to YOG (stupid YOG since many people couldn't get a hall because of that), I could attend the concert and also the morning seminar as well. :)

Well, who's going? Hope to see some familiar faces there.

Sweetest devotion

2010-06-21T13:15:00.003+08:00

Recently, I fell in love with this song. It's very intimate. I guess the lyrics tell it all.

You're all about freedom
All about kindness
All about a Savior who loves
You're all about justice
All about mercy
All about what I don't deserve

The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
Here in Your beauty Lord
The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
To worship You

With You every moment
My sweetest devotion
My heart is stirred to know You more
With You every moment
Like dew from the heaven
My Jesus, it's You that I adore

All I ever want
All I ever need
All I ever have is You

R.I.P Joash

2010-06-18T11:44:00.003+08:00

After I came back from Redang, I received THIS shocking news. Apparently, Joash's family met with tragedy. 5 person died including Joash. Now, that is sad.

I still remembered last time when Joash and Wai Chi gave me something for my birthday during the YES 09 alumni. Now it seems he's just gone away from us.

However, I just do not understand how can this tragedy happen especially to one who is God-fearing. Isn't God's protection on their whole family? I would believe they pray for a safe journey before they start but apparently, it does not appear as such. Sometimes I do question God especially on such things. And I do not see any good coming out from this tragedy. (if ever there is a purpose for this to happen)

Anyway, rest in peace, friend. You will always be remembered especially on those lives which you have touched when you were alive. Longing to meet you again some day when my time comes.

His blog ----> Here

Ipoh trip

2010-06-09T01:25:00.002+08:00

Here's a brief preview on what I went through with some of my uni friends just after exam. It was quite fun.

I guess the best part was Ipoh, my own hometown. Actually, not really Ipoh since we went Gua Tempurung and Cameron as well. :)

In Gua Tempurung, my stamina and strength was challenged greatly (especially since I have lazed around too much). Honestly, it was really tiring since we have to crawl through water, climbing up rocks and many more. But, I am glad I 'passed' that challenge. So, here are some photos which I have selected as memory.

The two photos were taken after the challenge ends. :)

The next best part is Cameron. The weather was cold. I kind of like the weather and everything except the part when it rains.

My friends and I in Rose Valley.

Me posing with a butterfly. Okay, I have some sort of fear for insects which is unexplainable, but it seems butterfly isn't too bad. (if compared to scorpions, and some other disgusting insects)

Wish that this trip could go on further at times, but our 'cash' is slightly restricted that time. So, now back in home lazing. How I wish I had motivation to study year 2 stuffs, but apparently my brain is telling me that even if you study, the results would still be about the same.

So, yeah, better enjoy life while I can. Honestly, I was just thinking. The ultimate goal in the end is to get a good job, and after getting the job, you wouldn't even use the things which you learn in uni right? So, what's the point of learning too many unused stuffs? I guess the sole reason for all this difficulties is to toughen us up for the real world. If not, then for what reason we do all this? :)

Okay, I better end now. I kind of lost inspiration in blogging since I started my journey in tertiary education. Hope I get the spirit back soon.

Done

2010-05-30T23:45:00.002+08:00

Just submitted my appeal. Now just hoping that my appeal would get through and that the results could change. I have never heard results in NTU could change so far. Not even my seniors. So, frankly speaking, if that result would change somehow, it's a miracle. If it's not, then it's expected since I never experienced a miracle happening to myself before.

Now I am planning to post about xyanco trip but somehow didn't get the photos yet.

*Chee peng, if you are reading this, ask them to post on FB and tag all of us faster la!*

Results

2010-05-27T21:30:00.004+08:00

Out of all the grades predicted, there is just one subject that surprise me badly, and which pissed me off the most.

First of all, how in the world I can get B- for Anatomy and physiology? Seriously, it does not make any sense, especially when I get B+ (70) for both of my anatomy quizzes and furthermore, I have the most confidence in that particular paper compared to the rest of my nightmare. :(

I will be appealing the result for that subject. (throwing away sgd 10 in the process cause I am just not satisfied with it)

In short, it just doesn't make sense that the subject on which I put the most effort in doesn't give the result it ought to! Now, the proverb 'what you sow is what you reap' doesn't apply any more. I totally dun believe in that. More or less, it's based on luck, not hard work. I have enough of it.

Based on statistics on my first 2 sem (first year), my cgpa might be going down more after this even if I put in effort. Uni life = failure.

A waste?

2010-05-11T02:56:00.003+08:00

Seriously, after one year, isn't it a wastage when you are technically force to throw away all this printed notes?

If you know me, I wouldn't throw away stuffs unless I am forced to. :(

There goes 50 Sgd worth of money.

And yes, I am finally going back to Malaysia. Am looking forward for a relaxing and lazy life back home.

End of first year

2010-05-06T17:05:00.008+08:00

Finally, my first year in NTU is over.

And I do not relish coming back to NTU for my second year. This sem, it have been pretty tough, and yes, I admit that I might be retaking some of my modules since there's a very high chance of failing in 2 of my cores - physics(highest) and organic (second). (Feel like starting all over again and switch my course to Biological Science, which I feel suit me more since I was exposed to Bio for quite some time. I don't mind memorizing all those weird terms, and I have already proven it by destroying anatomy this semester - although I complained a lot on this subject earlier on.)

Prediction of grades for this sem is indeed horrible beyond my expectation. Looking at how I perform at certain modules led me to think whether I am really cut out for bioengineering, which involves a lot of physics and maths.

For today paper, Physics - I have actually prepare for it even before the exam starts (for second half). Thus, I have been ignoring physics until my maths paper was over. But as it turns out, when it's time for me to sit for that paper (6th May, which is today), I just couldn't do any of the questions for second half, which indirectly implies that my concept is zero. Okay, I could only do some parts, but that would only give me a mere 20 %. (most probably). Needless to say, my electromagnet part is horrible since the question only asked on proving formulas, which I certainly didn't touch on that.

Basically, my 2.5 hours that I spent today in the exam hall really dampens my mood, making me depressed until I even question God that time. While doing the paper (after realizing that I can't do almost the whole paper), I have been asking, "Why in the world did You even let me come to NTU? Is it Your will for me to fail this paper?" Indirectly, I am real pissed off that moment, with myself, for choosing the wrong path.

Well, nothing could be done and I am seriously thinking on whether I should switch to biological science, which implies that I have wasted one year worth of money and time. I have just come to the point where everything is hopeless.

To make it simple, my prediction is as followed (for all subjects). Let's see how far my prediction will be off when the actual one is out.

Anatomy (A- to A)
Maths (B to A-)
Material Science (B to A)
Astronomy (B to A-)
Cyber (B+ to A)
Organic Chem ( Fail to B-)
Physics (Fail to C)
Lab (A to A+)

As you can probably see here, academic wise, I am way bad even though I did study hard. Yeah, I admitted time management would probably be an issue here on why I perform badly. Another issue would be focusing too much on a subject and ignoring another. (but I can't help doing that since 7 subjects is examinable. What would you do if you are in my shoes?)

After this sem, perhaps it's time to involve myself in more social activities/ develop soft skills and be willing to take up more responsibilities (since there is practically no hope to even get a decent GPA).

And If I indeed change course next year, please God, let it be one which I am really interested in. (Maths and Bio)

Guess that ends my post for now. Now I would have 4 months off (from studying). Maybe it's a good time to really reflect on myself on what I have actually achieve in this whole year in NTU.

True?

2010-04-20T20:46:00.003+08:00

Actually, I feel it's true for everything except the purple circle. The circle in purple ought to intercept a bit with the circle in green. Since this graph is nearly true, what's the point of studying then? Currently, I am like focusing on anatomy and physiology, and after that, I have only 2 days to cover astronomy and organic chemistry (which is #@!%#) Okay, impossible may be the right word.

And I am feeling really stress as exam is nearing. To make it worse, my productivity is not even increasing. As in, study ---> Forgot. Repeat again ---> Forgot. :(

Only God knows what sort of GPA I will get after my finals end.

*Handing everything to Him*

Pre- exam post

2010-04-15T01:45:00.006+08:00

Do keep me in prayers (for those who are reading this blog). Thanks.

Time table:

Finals

23th april- anatomy (230- 500) HALL C-Block N2, B2c-12, North Spine
26th april- organic chem (1-330) - hall L- Lobby, SBS
26th april- astronomy (5-7) same
28th april- cyber (5-7) HALL B-Exhibition Hall, Level 3, Nanyang Auditorium
29th april- material science (5-730) Same
4th may- maths (1-330) HALL C-Block N2, B2c-12, North Spine
6th may- physics (1-330) HALL F-Sports Hall 3, Sports & Recreation Centre

Among all the subjects, I do not have any confidence at all for my organic chemistry. Most probably the lowest grade for this sem.

As for now, I have confidence that I could cover the rest if I were to really focus. Basically, all the other subjects just require pure memorization and a bit of technique.

Physics would perhaps be ranked second most difficult for this sem, since I find myself having difficulty understanding the first part (electricity and magnetism). But still, if I could find time out to really study that, maybe I could understand it before the exam, by God's grace.

Okay. Now I am all out for exam. My hope is that my electives would balance the damage done to organic chem. And hopefully my GPA could improve slightly or be maintained as this sem, it's very tough for me.

All the best for those who are having their finals as well.

If..

2010-04-06T15:09:00.003+08:00

If my best effort in organic chem could only net me a C/C+,B-, then I will accept it.

Already kind of giving up on organic chem after struggling so hard in that subject. Organic chem have practically taken away my sleep, and is making me depressed as time passes.

Sometimes, if you just don't have the talent, you would not be able to do it no matter how hard you may try, and I have learned this lesson the hard way.

Happy Good Friday

2010-04-01T19:05:00.001+08:00

Just a video I wanna share in conjunction to this day that touched my heart.

April Fool

2010-04-01T01:17:00.005+08:00

First agenda on this day would be...

Maths exam. How cool it is to start with a test.. But I am thankful that the things tested is only the 'basic'. The challenging ones will all go to final, and that wouldn't look good.

Chemistry CA next Tuesday, and I haven't even touch it at all. All I ever do is listen to lectures since the lecturer is quite good for the second half. But the problem is, there is no recordings on his lecture. If not, I would repeat it a lot of times when I am doing self-study..

My CA's would offically end next 2 weeks with anatomy. Believe me, I haven't even touch anatomy since the last CA. That doesn't look right. Wonder whether one week will be enough for anatomy.

Seriously, time management is important, but it's not possible to do so if you have overload yourselves. Still holding on and hoping for the best.

Learning

2010-03-14T20:02:00.007+08:00

I wonder how long have I stop posting on my blog. It seems that there is nothing special happening in my life right now. Or maybe it's because I do not know what to post, since studies is like my main priority now. But whatever it is, I shall post at least one post per month to let others see that I am still alive. :)

Some updates

1. Cyber Security project completed! (okay, maybe almost cause I haven't submitted it yet).. group members were awesome and I learned a bit of tricks on how to do this kind of assignment through some experienced seniors.

2. First part of CA completed, and the results aren't great at all. I am just average. Well, overall, I am still thankful that some subjects are not as bad as I have thought earlier.

3. I am still doing my ODJ daily, but it seems at times, I am like rushing through it. Honestly, I need to learn how to slow down, and to learn to savor God's word slowly. Still learning this.

4. I love the second parts of physics (modern physics). Quite ironic for a former Bio student to say this, but I found some of the theories interesting (though I might now know how to calculate at times).. Well, at least I finally found some joy in physics (though I don't like the electricity part)

Okay, back to studies now.

P.S: I found this pic suits my mode currently. So, thought of posting this. Even though I may not get first class or second upper, I will still try my best. Cause the realization that I have try my best make it all worth it.

For the weary heart

2010-03-01T21:30:00.005+08:00

This is originally written by Serene Chua, a friend of mine. I am inspired by this short poetry which she recently wrote.

So, just thought of sharing it here.

Dear heart;
Has it ever occurred to you that all that's happened
Is not in vain;
There is always a purpose; don't refrain.

For He is always there; right beside you;
Holding you, guiding you.
Loving you.
You've been searching for a love
That will never fail all your life.
Let me tell you, long before you even knew;
SomeOne loved you with an everlasting love.
You already found it. You can stop searching
Cause nothing's ever gonna come close
To the Love He gives.

Should you be weary?
Should you be upset?
Not all hope is lost.
Not all things have fallen apart.
Not all circumstances are bad.
In fact; it's all in the way you look at it.
If you could just see it from the way He sees;
Then you would see that through all this;
you will be strong.

You will be able to tell others about
How He's brought you through like He has done before.
You have been through much worse,
And look at what He did.
You told Him you couldn't;
But He said He could.
Your strength has failed you,
But His never will.

Has He ever been wrong?
How could One so Perfect
Look at you and not know
What you need.
After all, He made you.
He said He would never
Let you go through more than you can take.
Can you then rejoice in the truth?

O heart, do not be weary.
Trust Him.
He who loves you.

p.s: Let us rejoice for we have a Faithful God; who will never stop loving; He keeps giving. For that reason; we must be strong. :)

Random Quote

2010-02-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

As long as you set your heart to something, put in more effort and a consistent one too, you can do it!

Must kill anatomy, physiology, cyber security assignment and 2 lab reports this recess week. Must start studying my electives too.. (6 week lecture)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

2010-02-23T14:30:00.000+08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|	10%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Conflictseeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|	20%
Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%

Wealth	\|\|\|\|	20%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pancomplex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|	20%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Physicalfitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Indie	\|\|	10%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Kinda true I suppose..

Second Half Of Second Sem

2010-02-17T09:51:00.005+08:00

Got to be serious already in this second half since studies is getting tougher as time passes.

CA is coming. Mountains of workload is coming. And I am not prepared to go through all of that. Guess an undergraduate's life isn't easy after all unless you are only aiming for a pass..

Perhaps like what my cousin said, "Honor God, and He will honour You". This would certainly be my motto this sem. Recently, he shared about his preparation for exams and this is what he said roughly.

'In everything you do, honour God. And when I pray, I always pray that whatever I do will honour Him. Even if I fail my exam, as long as it honours Him, let it be. And if I get good grades, all glory belong to Him. And when I pray this prayer, somehow my exam results are very satisfying. I never get a grade below B. So, yeah, spend time with Him (10 min a day min) and you will certainly see the difference.'

This is just something which I roughly recall from my conversation with him and to be honest, I am thankful that He reminded me about this, as I was always too concerned and worried about how I will fare, especially with the difficulty that will keep on increasing..

Guess I will just do my best and live a life that glorifies Him. Life isn't all about grades. I have to smack this into my head once and for all. Perhaps I could see some changes this sem compare to last time.

That marks my last post on my blog unless I have something that is interesting to share. So, now back to studies and preparations for upcoming CA's.

CNY holiday ruined

2010-02-11T00:23:00.003+08:00

I got physics CA (continual accessment) on thurs next week. And after that week, all CA's will come.. So, in short, my CNY have to be used to catch up on things which I don't understand, which is A LOT.

Sad right? Sg uni life is like that I guess.. Guess I will soon skip lectures to master my basics.

Vatican Joke

2010-02-03T17:37:00.002+08:00

Got this joke from an email. Enjoy. :)

********************************************************

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Superlimo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the kerb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 97 mph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal on the floor until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my licence -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him th at he's stopped a limo going 97 mph..

'So charge him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the Mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

*********************************************************

Minor updates about life (1)

2010-01-28T01:33:00.003+08:00

I think I can make this blog my personal diary, one that didn't reveal too much about myself but actually helps me in recapping all the struggles I have been going through.

1. I am beginning to familiarize myself with anatomy terms, which is a good thing. The bad thing is.... I cannot catch up with the lecturer..

2. In fact, I could not catch up at all for all the other subjects as well... It just seem impossible to focus on all subjects at once..

This sem - I am taking material science (some concepts don't understand), organic chem (same as material science), maths (tough and lacking of practice now), anatomy (memorizing only), astronomy, cyber security and physics (tough for me).. Practically, I don't know how to pay equal attention to all the subjects that I am taking this sem..

If I devote more time for material science and organic chem, I think I can understand the concepts, but in the process, the other subjects will be neglected. Seriously, how to cope la?

I find that I am totally incapable in planning this time, as it just cannot be planned.. Each subject need hours to study leh.. Unless I am skipping lectures and is deprived of sleep, I just don't find a way to cope with all of this subjects.

Any hints or tips on how to survive this sem? Need advice seriously..

Hearing God's voice

2010-01-16T01:03:00.004+08:00

Now, how exactly do you hear His voice? I really need a clear direction as in whether I should continue on with cyber security, which is one of my elective or should I just drop it? Basically, I don't find myself coping well currently. Some subjects are getting tougher now (but that is expected. So, no complains though).

If only I could get a clear direction, I would be able to decide wisely on whether to drop that course or not.. Sigh.. Life is kinda difficult. And some of my friends are commenting that I am just being so crazy, as in taking 25 AU (academic unit) this sem. Normal load is 22 AU, and 22 AU is already very difficult..

Whatever it is, I have to made my decision soon, which is either to stick to 25 AU, trusting that the electives is God-given (like for example, I didn't expect to get astronomy as it's my second choice and also it's very rare for first year second sem students to get it) which might leads to myself getting drained out in the process/ getting worst GPA than the previous sem/ better GPA- by God's grace , OR

simple.. just drop cyber security, and life would be 'normal but still stressful'. GPA would probably remain the same or improve a bit, by God's grace.

Okay. Maybe I am just thinking too much, as usual. :)

Dear Lord

2010-01-13T00:41:00.004+08:00

I really need Your help in memorizing the terms in anatomy. As of now, I have been trying for 2 hours straight, and the terms are still not familiar.

I just feel that my brain isn't suited for memorizing, and now I am really facing trouble over this. Help me to get through this. It's only the first 2 days and I am already feeling so stressful. I don't want anatomy to ruin my life..

Is there a technique that I can use to make my life easier? Or do I have to memorize blindly? I am already trying, and I fear that even if I try hard, I would not be able to get good grades for this course.

So, it's like a case scenario where if you do, you have higher percentage to die, but a slight chance to survive and when you choose not to do it, you will surely die. Both cases certainly don't appeal to me..

Okay, that's a clear ranting, and maybe that's the reason why I can't get medic. Cause basically, I found out that I really don't like anatomy at all after the first two topics covered by the lecturer.. Whatever it is, I would still have to try to attempt this subject as it's my core. God, give me wisdom as I am attempting to put at least 20 of the terms into my head daily..

21st birthday

2010-01-07T09:36:00.004+08:00

Nothing special happen on that particular day. It was just another day, a normal day. Well, on the night before my 21st birthday, I was gifted with this nice cake..

Notice the key there? It symbolizes the beginning of adulthood, which means more responsibilities will come and a lot more stuffs to think about.

And my resolution for this sem is to spend less time on the internet, and getting the important things done first.

Lastly, thanks to everyone who have wishes me on facebook. I have noticed a long string of wishes and although I might not be able to reply everyone, do take note that I have read through all the wishes.. :)

New year 2010

2010-01-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

Happy new year 2010!

Reflection for year 2009

2009-12-31T12:43:00.003+08:00

This marks my last post for the year 2009.. So, this is just a brief reflection of the old year 2009..

January till March ---> early January, I went for YES camp and that is one of the best camp I have gone so far.. and after that, doing nothing till middle of March.. Quite lazy right? >< March ---> STPM results out. Quite satisfied with it, and certain subjects exceed my expectations.. :)

April --> Uni application and results of application.. Got NUS (science) and NTU (bioengineering) but decided to go for NTU.. Didn't get any course from government uni except biomedical science (2nd intake)... Till now, I still don't know whether I have made the right choice or not, but then, its too late to regret it..

May till July ---> Doing nothing. However, I still did some minor preparation before going to NTU.

August ---> The best time of the year. Freshman orientation camp, merdeka night and lots of other activities that are organized.. I think I only have fun that time in NTU.. lol..

September to October ---> Studies and minor activities organized by juniors like the mid-autumn festival, supper etc..

November --> Preparation for final exam, and it's exam period too that time. Needless to say, that is the worst period. :(

December ---> Exam ends. Results out on 30th, and the results make me feel hopeless to face the future realizing some smart seniors also fare badly this time..

That wraps up the year, and it seems I wasted quite a lot of time for this year. *shrug* Well, but this year is also remarkable in the sense that I make LOTS of new friends compare to last time when I was in school.. The bond in uni is also much closer than in school (that's what I feel)..

The new year will be approaching very soon.. And my resolution is to try to get myself into second upper for second sem and second year first sem, although it seems impossible. Once your CGPA is down for the first sem, the chances are very low to make any improvements, and that's why I lament over my poor results for this sem. Hope I survive another year in NTU.

P.S: I am grateful that I pass Econs and that is the only good thing from my results this sem.

Expected ....

2009-12-29T19:00:00.005+08:00

One thing that I have to say is.. I just got the worst result ever in my life..

The CGPA in NTU goes this way..

5.0 - A and A+
4.5 - A-
4.0 - B+
3.5 - B
3.0 - B- and so on..

Okay.. Perhaps I deserve what I get, due to lack of understanding of the topic, underestimating a few subjects and not mugging 24 hours.. For your information, first sem is suppose to be the easiest among all the sem, and I practically screw it up. Seriously, how can I even survive 4 years in NTU, when the exam will get tougher (an exponential curve) each sem and each year?

Basically, I have just let my parents down, the one who have paid for my education and all that.. What have I given to them? Nothing except disappointment.. I just wanted so much to hide this post but I have to blog/write it out cause I don't want to be crazy, thinking about it all the time.. Well, there goes my dream.. It's finished.

*why in the world blogger cannot function like wordpress where the post can be protected? Sigh*

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T02:03:00.003+08:00

The day have finally arrived, where it's Christmas season again! Anyway, since I do not have any inspiration to post anymore, would just like to wish everyone a blessed Christmas!

Outing (9th and 10th dec)

2009-12-12T16:37:00.012+08:00

Comprises random photos taken along with Jyn Ling, Adibah, Ainaa and Elaine on that 2 days. It was fun and it's a great time to catch up with one another.

Looking towards the future... Yep, it's bleak, with signs of dwindling money sources... (caption by Elaine)

Adibah is a camwhore queen, I suppose. She really look like a boxer, ready to box someone. :)

Me, owning the chipmunks. :) This movie would be out when it's near Christmas. Anybody want to watch this together? =)

For "New Moon" fans, don't kill us when we pose this.. ><

"K" Session, where Elaine and Adibah is like doing 'joget'?

I might change my fb profile picture to this after Christmas..

This might go into my profile picture also.. Quite difficult to choose eh? :)

I am like taller than the christmas tree.. Actually, I am not that tall, am I?

I like this pic.. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. :)

There are more pics in Elaine's album, but I only select a few to post it here.. and yeap, I am still holding on to this statement 'Malaysia is good for everything except her Internet connection'. If Malaysia can improve their internet connection and lessen down political/education issues, I think Malaysia would probably be the best country. But sadly, that would not happen. At least, I don't see it could happen at the moment.

Oh well, I am hoping for more outings before I get tortured again in second sem. Still keeping my finger crossed though..

Holiday!

2009-12-09T21:30:00.002+08:00

Currently I am on holiday- until 10th January, and after that date, sem 2 will start and the nightmare will begin.. so, what would be my plans for this holiday?

1. Catching up with friends (already done by the time I posted up this, but will still be going out).
2. Try to find my soon-to-be textbook online- through torrent or whatever sources I can think off.
3. Going off to Langkawi soon..
4. Cell group outing on the 7th January.

And since the internet connection in Malaysia sucks, I guess I could not be active in mousehunt even though I wanted to do so. Damn Malaysia. Got everything, except the connection. :(

About my elective course which I have to choose on 21st, I have already decided on two courses- Astronomy or Impact of Chemistry on Society (major hope). If I can't get either of this two course, I am dead, as I have been going through the courses for the whole night and only find this two okay and appealing to me..

Of course, results would also be out before January, and I am not so positive over my results. Will just hope that it's not too bad. That's all for now. Perhaps picture-related posts will appear soon.. :)

Refreshing

2009-11-29T16:26:00.004+08:00

It was indeed a refreshing service in CHC today, where Ps Kong spoke about success. Seriously, I personally feel that message is for me especially when I was kinda down for the last few days. So, yeah, gonna be positive even though the journey might be very very tough. I believe God have a purpose for me. If not, I wouldn't even be here. I have a dream to be accomplished and to fulfill that dream, I have to do my own part, which is being diligent in my studies here and let God determine the results.

Yes, I agree that I might not be among the best but who cares? What matters most is.. that I don't give up and even when the going is tough or even when my grades might be lousy for my first sem, I ought to use my abilities to the max, with God's helping me to go through it.

Okay, that's the short post for today. Going to update more on this topic AFTER exam finishes. For now, must really work hard for physics. Tada.

Untitled (3)

2009-11-26T22:57:00.005+08:00

Feeling stressed and a bit depressed right now. Okay. I officially give up my ambition to score first class or even second upper for this sem. The going is just too tough for me. I never realize that finals is going to be so tough.. and I still couldn't adjust to the competitive environment here.

Next week will be another week of hell for me, as I will be facing my biggest challenge of all.. physics.. have been trying practice after practice, and I still don't understand the concept. Perhaps its time to give up, relax and just sit for the exam, since I know it will be bad anyway.

-end-

Small wish

2009-11-20T03:48:00.003+08:00

I only wish that I won't see a 'U' for econs by the end of this year when results are out. If I get U, don't think I will have mood to even bother about my own birthday. (although I have to face the fact sooner or later by retaking econs without the option S/U)

Yes, the econs paper may not be difficult for most people but I was having a slight mind block and pressure (from nowhere) .. that certainly affect my performance badly.. and based on everyone's performance that time, the passing mark might be very high, which would be disastrous for me..

okay, that's all for now. All I know is.. the paper is certainly not the best which I could give.

P.S: I really want peace without mind blocks during times of stress and pressure..

Last mile

2009-11-14T01:32:00.002+08:00

Finals start in exactly 5 days from now, and I still haven't finish revise my Physics. Seriously, I really thank God that Physics falls one week after Bio as that gives me extra time (provided there are no major distractions later) .

As for econs, I didn't touch it at all.. Hopefully could still get a pass (S) with last minute preparations, and I am also thankful that I S/U it.. If not, I would have double stress right now, preparing for 2 unknown subjects..

Okay. That's all for now. Would not update during exam unless I couldn't stand it.. :)

Scripture verses in times of stress

2009-11-10T03:28:00.003+08:00

In times of stress, this few scripture verses really help and it serves as a great reminder to me. :)

1. You say: "I'm too tired."
God says: I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28-30 : Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

2. You say: "I can't go on."
God says: My grace is sufficient.

2 Corinthians 12:9 : But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalms 91:15 : He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

3. You say: "I can't figure it out."
God says: I will direct your steps.

Proverbs 3:5-6 : Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

4. You say: "I can't do it."
God says: You can do all things.

Philippians 4: 13: I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

5. You say: "I can't manage."
God says: I will supply all your needs.

Philippians 4: 19: And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

6. You say: "I am afraid."
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 : For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

7. You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated."
God says: Cast all your cares on ME..

1 Peter 5:7 : Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8. You say: "I'm not smart enough."
God says: I give you wisdom.

1 Corinthians 1:30 : It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

9. You say: "Nobody really loves me."
God says: I love you.

John 3: 16 : "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

John 13: 34 : "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Currently listening to..

2009-11-03T20:37:00.006+08:00

Like A fire, from planetshakers 'One'. (wondering when it will reach SG though)

This is probably one of the nicest and 'anointed' song from planetshakers. Found myself listening to it for the past few days.. Even now, the chorus part is still echoing in my ears.. lol..

Personally, I feel this song really helps in worship especially when I am facing a bit of stress due to final exam and public speaking assignment (25 marks) that will come very soon..

Anyway, a big thanks to a friend who send me that particular song.. Really appreciate it..

Lyrics is as below. Enjoy. (just uploaded the entire song in imeem) :)

Verse 1
Like a fire shut up in my bones
I want the world to know
You are God

With a passion burning deep within
I want the world to know
That You live

Verse 2
Let Your presence come and saturate
Every part of me
Make me new

Let Your Spirit come and move within
Fill me once again
I need more

Pre-chorus
Jesus I'm desperate for You
Jesus I'm hungry for You
Jesus I'm longing for You
Lord You are, all I want

Chorus
Come like a flood
And saturate me now
You're all I want
Come like the wind
And sweep throughout this place
You're all we want

Like A Fire - Planetshakers

Random Thoughts (6)

2009-11-01T18:39:00.005+08:00

Just a thought.

Once an important decision have been made, please don't ever be influenced by people around you until you become indecisive, like me. When in doubt, it's good to seek advice from friends but still, the final decision is still yours to made.

As for me, I have already decided to S/U econs due to the following reasons which I feel is justified enough:

1. My physics is very weak. So, thanks to Sharon for the GPA calculator, I have already calculated that I need to get at least a B for Physics to be eligible for first class honours (provided I could achieve what I have targeted for the other subjects)

2. If let's say I get B for Physics, I would need to get A- for econs. And obviously it's difficult for me to get A- for econs without having strong concepts. I believe that in order to get that grade, you must at least have a strong foundation, and not depend on pure memorization alone. Sadly, that's not the case with econs. It's really a subject which I should not have chosen earlier on.

3. After S/U-ing econs, it means I could spend more time on my weakest subject, which is physics. So, I am actually hoping that I could get a grade higher than B in physics (to minimize risk of not getting what I expect for other subjects)

And to be frank, once I have make that decision to S/U it, I feel happier, and it's like part of the burden have been lifted off from me. So, perhaps it's the most logical thing to do. :)

Just a note to myself:

Don't ever regret the decisions which you have made. Since it's your own choice, you have to bear the consequences of your choice that you have just made. And since you have already S/U econs, please dear me, do choose other subjects (PE) wisely next time (one that don't require lots of writing and explanations)..

-end-

Untitled (2)

2009-10-30T14:14:00.005+08:00

My maths..

1. Lack of time, as expected. So, skipped a few minor questions since I don't have time for that. ><
2. Did careless mistakes (which I could actually avoid) due to time pressure.. :(

Nevertheless, I hope my marks would still be 80 and above. It is possible provided I didn't make any careless mistakes in other questions. HOPEFULLY.

And just a random thought here.. Nowadays I am wondering why I am being so 'kiasu', as in not satisfied with what I get, not willing to lose out to others and not happy to be labelled as just an 'average' student. Last time, I am not like that (even getting 50 marks for chem is okay for me) but now, I could feel dissatisfied if I don't get the marks which I am aiming for and when I see a lot of people did better than me, there's just a feeling of jealousy coming within me (especially in Bio).. Guess that's a change happening in me due to strong competition here. However, I do not know whether it's a positive or negative change..

As for my econs, I just need to understand the concepts (so that I can at least crap something in my finals) and based on advice from seniors, it is not wise to S/U Econs since the average grade is between B and A. However, due to unforeseen circumstances whereby I do not feel confident (after the talk with some seniors and also after seeing last year test paper), I feel it would be risky. Cause if I don't understand basic concepts and only depend on memorization for the microeconomics part, I am seriously doomed right? Now higher chance to S/U-ing that subject. I hope I would make the correct decision later, cause even though most people get between B and A, some still get B- and I do not want to be the latter..

Hmm.. okay, back to mugging for Chemistry and Bio before the combined supper later.. :(

P.S: Thankfully I did not wake up 'too late' today. Alarm clock woke me up at 7.50, and I slept for another one hour later...=.= Luckily still manage to reach the exam hall on time, but was a bit disorganized and out of form. Next time, I will get someone to wake me up if there is an important event.. Zzzzzz..

Untitled

2009-10-28T14:29:00.002+08:00

The title explains all..

1. Econs quiz is tomorrow, and well, since it's objective, hopefully common sense would be enough to get the answers correct.

2. Maths quiz is on Fri. Lacking of practice now, but hopefully would remember what I had done in my tutorial. Is 2 days enough to revise maths? hopefully yes. I got 3 quiz samples and answers to train myself on. :)

This friday would be the combined AMCISA and MSA supper gathering, and so, part of the time would be gone again (loss in economic surplus.. am I getting the correct term here? lol)..

After this 2 quizzes, I would still have 2 more quizzes to study on- bio (monday) and chem (thurs). For physics, hopefully someone would be able to help me out again, cause basically don't have time to read up on physics as I am mugging over econs currently.. :(

Okay, that's the short update for now. Tada.

Amazed by You

2009-10-23T23:17:00.004+08:00

This song was written by 2 amazing girls (with amazing voice).. However, that's not the main issue here (although I am officially one of their fans after hearing them singing "Officially Missing You") *wink*

This is the song I bring to you
Nothing made up no fancy tunes
I'm singing whatever's on my heart

I'm sure you have so much to say
If only I gave you a minute a day
I think I would have more songs for you

Sometimes I wonder I question
Was that your voice
or my imagination
I don't know
I don't know

Still you say you love me
Whenever I doubt and walk away
You follow me
you follow me

I'm amazed by you
I'm amazed by you
I'm amazed by you
and how you love me

So many times my faith grows weak
And so many times
you're the last one i seek
I don't know what you see in me

When I complain that I can't hear
Your voice in my heart
You say you're near
You whisper songs into my ears

So here I am singing a song that I wrote
And here I am playing guitar
that I don't know how to play
but that's okay (right?)

Cuz you are the one
who has sung over me
It's more than just
a-ny old epiphany
So won't you captivate our ears

I feel it's a song from the heart (humble and sincere), especially on the italic part which have been highlighted here.

The lyrics written truly reflected what I am feeling at times, and it's just pretty amazing to think the Lord still sees something in me and loves me the way I am, though I may disappoint Him A LOT of times (times when I have doubts/ only seek Him when I couldn't handle it any more).

Well, hope the song would bless you too. :)

P.S: Going to have a great fellowship at Kallang soon.. can't wait for it.. =)

Success without studies?

2009-10-21T20:59:00.005+08:00

I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

Is it possible to enjoy life and yet get good grades?

Or is a person only entitled to choose either one of the options and neglect the other?

My thoughts so far on uni life...

I realize that's its impossible to spend enough time on my studies (like what I used to do for STPM). Next, it's practically not possible too to know whether you are REALLY truly prepared for exam. However, it's possible to know how 'well' you score after you sat for your CA/quiz paper.

And if one chooses to mug your entire hours on book, that would bring serious consequences as well. It's difficult to maintain a sense of balance in life sometimes.

Yes, there's still LOTS of things to do, and I wonder how one is able to cope with all this.. And it is certainly not wise to sacrifice studies for the sake of other things even though other things are equally important as well. Sometimes, I wonder how seniors manage to do it and still maintain a good CGPA which is 4.0 and above.

And yeah, to be honest, I am quite afraid and paranoid that I would get a C for my Physics since I DID not do A LOT of questions like what the Form 6 students in my school usually did for their STPM preparations.

The reasons are pretty straight forward.. Lack of time ( I still need to balance my time between all the subjects, right?), insufficient understanding, lack of sample exam questions and no good teachers to guide. So, as you can see, this few factors are the main problem which I am facing and I am totally clueless on how I am able to go through all of this.. It applies to other subjects as well, like econs.

Okay, got to finish up some minor stuffs before getting back to my studies. :(

*Lord, even though trials WILL certainly come my way, help me to constantly keep focus on You and to trust that You will help me to go through this period.*

Randomness

2009-10-19T23:50:00.005+08:00

Yes, my previous post may mention that one should never ever give up, but now I am just on the verge of doing it. So ironic, isn't it?

I feel sick, being unable to do my econs tutorial questions even though it looked so easy. Currently, I am learning national savings, private savings, public savings and national saving rate.... Yes, I know what are the formulas but when it comes to the questions, only one word appears... Dead.

Eg: They would give raw datas and then one ought to categorize it into the formula given. The problem with me is... I don't know how to categorize it according to the formulas. :(

WHY CAN'T I EVER GET THE CONCEPT FOR ECONS?! Am I asking too much? I just want to understand the concepts but somehow, my poor little mind don't seem to understand it. I have told myself not to give up and take things slowly, but I certainly don't have a lot of time left especially when my first econs quiz will come very soon.. Final would come in less than 30 days. Do I still have time left in me? :( :( :(

Sorry for being so negative here, but I feel it's a good thing to let go everything which I feel in my own personal blog before I fall into a situation where I will feel 'depressed'.

And yes, for the question mentioned above, I refer to lecture notes and the text book to see how to do it, but the datas are given in such a way where I don't know which datas I should exclude from the formula and which not to exclude. This sucks. Seriously, I wonder whether there will be any 'easy' subjects which would interest me. (from AHSS) Cause I just might use up one of my S/U this time even though I DON'T WANT TO. =.=

Just thinking... Maybe it's better to let one subject die(physics) instead of allowing both subjects to die together (physics and econs). Okay, that's all for now. And hopefully the situation which I am facing now would get better by the end of this week.

Don't give up

2009-10-14T20:52:00.004+08:00

A special thanks to someone who forwarded this email to me. It's pretty inspiring when I first read it. So, just thought of sharing this here. :) [edited slightly]

Read on..

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me....

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In year three, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant....But just 6 months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time when you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

" Remember. I DID NOT quit on the bamboo even when it did not produce any things useful earlier on. Similarly, I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others, "He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?, "I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Remember.. Never, Never, Never Give up.

For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.

Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

******************************************************************

Heavens door open this morning, God asked me...
"My CHILD, what can I do for you?"

And I said, "Daddy, please protect and bless the one reading this message."

God smiled and answered, "Request granted."

P.S: You never know when GOD is going to bless you! Good things happen when you least expect them to!

Like A Fire

2009-10-13T23:05:00.005+08:00

Like a fire shut up in my bones
I want the world to know
You are God

With a passion burning deep within
I want the world to know
That You live

Let Your presence come and saturate
Every part of me
Make me new

Let Your Spirit come and move within
Fill me once again
I need more

Jesus I'm desperate for You
Jesus I'm hungry for You
Jesus I'm longing for You
Lord You are, all I want

Come like a flood
And saturate me now
You're all I want
Come like the wind
And sweep throughout this place
You're all we want

The sample sounds nice. I am guessing that this would probably be one of my favourite song from the album 'One' which would be coming out end of this October.

You could also listen to samples from this album here.

http://planetshakers.com/music/latest.php

Lastly, here's the album artwork. :)

***************************************************************
Random status:

Currently a bit depressed in knowing that A LOT of people score A LOT better than me in bio (even though I have STPM Bio background). However, I shall not elaborate on that further. Perhaps it's a wake-up call for me. And thankfully, I am reminded that it's not the end yet as there would still be a second quiz that carries the same weightage this coming Nov. I pray that when the time comes, I would be more prepared for it and also in the other upcoming quizzes!

Scripture verse of the day:

*I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13*